Israel - Pesach 2025. The Seventh Plague. House Music.
We checked in at the Setai, which is in Yafo, not central Tel Aviv. It’s a gorgeous historic hotel and feels like it’s built around 19th century ruins. Oddly there was no one at the door to help with our luggage when we arrived, although we experienced the same thing at the Setai up north in 2023.
When we checked in we were told that we had been upgraded to a bigger room, which was nice. We changed quickly, and cabbed over to dinner at Dvora, an Eyal Shani restaurant.
The food was surprisingly good! I only say that because Eyal Shani restaurants can be hit or miss. We had a good meal at Malka in NYC, but the food at HaSalon leaves something to be desired. We had artichokes, steak, beets. It was all very artistically plated and tasty. We did have the bag of beans, though they were better than others we’ve had. For dessert, we got a strawberry pavlova because—after the Super Hamzirach incident—we’re not taking chances with allergies.
We went back to the hotel and took a relaxing bath. Then it was bed time. Finally, a restful sleep.
One problem. We could hear the DJ from the downstairs restaurant inside our room. Apparently, there’s a live DJ every night until 1:00 AM. I could feel the beat inside my head. By some miracle, I was so wiped out that I actually managed to fall asleep.
Thursday morning started early-ish—we had booked a couples massage for 10:00 AM, so we set the alarm for 8:15 to get up and get moving. Rather than rushing through breakfast we stopped at the spa to see if we could reschedule and ended up rescheduling for 5:30 PM instead. No idea why we thought we were going to be ready for a massage by 10 AM on vacation.
Instead, we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast. The hotel breakfast is really nice—tons of options (and all kiyniyot): pastries, eggs made to order, salads, cheeses, fruits, smoked fish, and even champagne if you're in the mood (we weren't... but still, it's there). . We sat outside in this lovely courtyard. It was warm but the whole courtyard is shaded. It was perfect.
After breakfast, we walked around the area a bit. There is an art/design store that Tzvi follows on Instagram and wanted to check out—very cute, very curated, with prints, home decor, and little design-y things. We wanted to buy a specific print, but it was out of stock. We also had already purchased art this trip, so I didn’t feel the need to get something else. To get there we walked through the Jaffa flea market. I was worried I might actually get fleas.
Then: pool day. We made our way back to the hotel and claimed chairs at the pool, which was already filling up. We basically didn’t move for hours. The only break we took was to get lunch—we didn’t feel like eating a heavy meat meal by the pool restaurant, so we went down to the lobby café and grabbed tuna sandwiches before heading right back to our spots. There was no food service at the pool, only drink service. And you could barely call it service. We ordered “mojitos” and Coke Zero from a waitress, and a half hour later we still didn’t have our drinks. It became like a joke – every time she would walk by she’s say ‘it’s coming now, two minutes.’ Eventually we asked a different waiter to get us our drinks. The “mojito” was not a mojito. Whatever it was, it wasn’t great. It was some kind of thing that tasted like they had blended a pineapple – skin and all – and added a little vodka.
The pool itself is gorgeous. It’s on the roof of the hotel with beautiful views. The vibe around the pool was... interesting. It was great for people watching. I’d say it was almost exclusively Israeli and French (we may have been the only Americans). There were quite a few religious women who took off their long sleeves and long jean skirts and were practically naked. I’m talking more thongs than I’ve ever seen in a Caribbean resort.
Around 4:45, we headed back inside to get ready for our 5:30 massage. And let me tell you—the spa was bizarre. Normally, you walk into a spa and are shown to separate men’s and women’s locker rooms. Not here. There was just one hallway with lockers and then separate bathroom and shower stalls. The "relaxation room" was situated directly next to the gym – I think you actually needed to walk through the relaxation room to get to the gym — so you’re sitting there trying to “relax” while men grunt next door. Classic Israel. Like, here we are in this beautiful five-star hotel, and this is the setup?
They did have a sauna and a hammam. The sauna was actually really cool—it was built into the old original 1800s stonework of the building. We sat for a few minutes and then waited in the relaxation room. There was another couple there, the man was wearing just a robe and an M-16. How does that work? What does he do with it while he’s getting massaged?
The couples massage itself was actually great—two Russian women who knew what they were doing, strong hands, and no chit-chat. Just what we needed.
We went back to the room, changed quickly, and headed out to dinner at Poupée. It’s one of those trendy Tel Aviv restaurants—Instagrammable decor, DJ, the whole vibe. Unfortunately, the experience was a little poopie.
We had a reservation for 8:30, but when we arrived, they tried to seat us at the bar even though the bar was empty and there were plenty of open tables. We were told, “Reservations don’t guarantee tables.” Huh? After asking again, they finally moved us to a table, but like every restaurant in Israel they gave us an end time. “You have the table until 1030.” Then we waited a solid 15 minutes before anyone came over to take our order. Finally we stopped someone and asked if we can order and the waitress was like, “sure.”
The food, to be fair, was actually very good. I had a salad, Tzvi had some tuna tartare, and we both got the beef medallions with mashed potatoes and asparagus. Delicious. Our second waiter (I guess there was a shift change) was much nicer and more attentive. Then came dessert: we ordered a chocolate dish and a frozen crème brûlée situation served with passion fruit sauce and pineapple. Sounds weird, right? It was bizarre—but it somehow worked. Probably the best part of the meal. Then another guy (not our waiter, we never saw him again) came over at 10:00 sharp with the check and said, “now here is the check, you know, because you need to leave the table now, its 10.” We didn’t even bother arguing because we were done and ready to leave, but again, it was just bizarre. There were empty tables everywhere. Maybe we’re just not the “trendy Tel Aviv restaurant” crowd. Or maybe they just didn’t like us. Either way—food: solid. Service: strange.
Back at the hotel, the DJ downstairs was in full swing again. The music blared into the room until well past 1:00 AM. This time we couldn’t fall asleep. HOW do they sell these rooms with zero soundproofing right above a literal nightclub? I just don’t get it.
Finally we got to sleep, only to be woken up at 6:30 AM by the Houthis. We could hear the siren outside the hotel. I’m like, all right, what happens now? So we just followed people to the stairwell. Nobody seemed too alarmed, thankfully. After it ended, we actually managed to fall back asleep, so that was good.
When we woke up for real, we had a nice breakfast. For some reason, though, no one could understand the coffee situation. I just wanted a cappuccino — simple. They had it (I had one yesterday!), but today the staff couldn’t figure it out. You could get regular coffee easily, but anything else seemed to totally throw them off. I don’t get it.
After breakfast, we packed up and checked out, and we were on our way back to Jerusalem.
Unfortunately, we had Yoram again.