FIDF Staff Mission. Day 3.
Woke up and went upstairs for breakfast. We have the option of going to the main lobby restaurant on the Vista Lounge. We opted for the lounge this morning. It was too early to eat, but I managed.
The first stop was at the IDF Spokesperson Unit where we heard from Carmen, who gave us a whole talk on her experience pre- and post-war. She spoke about how seventeen thousand Gazans used to hold work permits to work in Israel and would come in for fishing, farming, cargo, medical, coordination with Egypt, and it was all viewed as ‘quiet will be met with quiet.’ Obviously that was wrong. She outlined what happened on October 7th, goals of the war, operational challenges like the tunnel network, human shields, hostages, etc. She discussed combat on the ground, targets, the humanitarian efforts (land, air, sea), and field hospitals (for Gazans). It was a good visit.
Sarah trying out VR glasses
Next we went to the Tel Hashomer Base. We started out at the building where Israelis go at age 16 to start getting interviewed for the army. They have a physical, a psychological interview, and an IQ test to determine what they should do for their service.. For some reason the room with the IQ test has a sign on the door that says Disney World. It was funny but I don’t really know why it was there. It was just so crazy to see these 16 year old kids doing this while 16 year old kids here would never. We also happened to see a large crowd of parents dropping off their kids for day 1 of their army service (18 year olds).
From there we drove to the Bakuum, which is where new draftees come and basically get their service started. They get their uniforms, vaccines, fingerprints, photo ID, dog tags, andDNA tests (for identification if they are killed). After they get their uniforms there is a selfie camera because they aren’t allowed to have their phones. We took one, but it didn’t actually send to my phone, which is sad. We had an AMAZING lunch there. These poor kids are eating schnitzel sandwiches, but we had a SPREAD. We sat down to salatim and fish, and I thought well this is nice of them. Then they brought out flatbread and hamburgers, and I thought okay that’s very nice of them. THEN they brought out chicken and potatoes, and then pulled beef, and then rice, and THEN schnitzel and fries. It was nuts.
Next was the Akka Individual Wellbeing Department of the IDF. Basically FIDF gets requests from the army Chief of staff, FIDF then sends out money, it goes through Akka, and they then send it to the IDF. We had a whole presentation but everyone was falling asleep. Jetlag and a massive lunch is not a good combination. From there we drove to Sheba Medical Center, Israel’s largest hospital, and where FIDF just signed a $25 million deal to partner with the hospital to treat veterans for PTSD. We heard from the doctor heading up the initiative, who is actually an orthopedic surgeon. Then we heard from three injured soldiers. They all lost legs in Gaza and told us their stories. Crazy stories, bombs, shootings. One guy told us he was in the Namal, which is a tank with no gun; it’s more of a transporter/safety vehicle, and you are not allowed to leave because if you get out they can see you and shoot you. But he had to go put a light on the top of the Namal so that the IDF would know it’s an IDF tank. He went out to put up the light, and as he’s on top he gets shot, and the next thing he knows he see’s his leg laying off to the side. Another solider told a story of being in a house and having a bomb go off. He lost his leg and his arm was hanging by a thread, but they saved it. He was also shot in his other leg. He said when he finally got to the medic, which wasn’t right away because there was still activity going on, he told the medic “there is something funny in my butt.” He was really cracking up as he told us this. So the medic turned him over and sure enough a bullet had ricocheted from the floor and into his butt. He thought it was hilarious. Perspective, I guess. I gave him some of the letters I had brought from HAFTR students.
From there we went to Bar Ilan University to meet with students from IMPACT, the educational scholarship FIDF gives out. We heard from two students and one of the VPs at the university who used to work at AIPAC. One IMPACT student is studying to be an engineer and has a baby on the way. The other is in med school but has been in the reserves since October 7th. We had dinner at Bar Ilan, which was dairy and mediocre. Who would’ve thought the army base food would be better than the university.
We finally got back to the hotel, exhausted. I was met by a gorgeous tower of treats in my room though, so well done Hilton. I went up to the Vista Lounge to do some work (but really to check out the dessert situation). My computer quickly died though so I went back to the room, took a bath, and went to bed!
FIDF Staff Mission. Days 1 and 2.
And now for something completely different.
I’ve just returned from the first FIDF staff mission to Israel, where 20 employees from around the country were taken to Israel to view our work first hand. We laughed, we cried, we complained, we ate. We also (and most importantly) saw how our work truly has a lifechanging (and lifesaving) impact on our soldiers. Enjoy.
Sunday-Monday
Where do I start?
As if Purim isn’t crazy enough, it was made crazier by the fact that I had to be on an 830pm El Al flight. Finally going back to Israel – this time on a staff mission with my employer FIDF (Friends of the Israel Defense Forces). This is the first staff mission at FIDF and I’m lucky to be on it.
So, after Purim Seudah I said goodbye to the girls (which went better than expected) and Tzvi drove me to the airport. I checked in and they asked if I wanted to check my carry on, which I did. I will say the only reason I have a large suitcase AND a carry on is because we didn’t get an itinerary. How can you plan what you need if you don’t know what you’re going to do? They claim it’s because “things are fluid and always changing,” which is ok, but I need structure! Pre-check was open and SO helpful. I should mention that I’m on the “group” flight so 10/20 of us are flying together. I got through and met up with my colleague Sarah (you’ll hear a lot about her). We hung around, got snacks, found some other people, stumbled on the JFK Chabad and got ready to board!
We got on the plane and it was EMPTY. I sat down and waited for someone to sit in my row. I said so many prayers and then… the door closed! I had a row to myself! It felt emptier than when I went during COVID! And there were no families with children. The flight itself was really bumpy. I watched the Hunger Game prequel – the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes – which was good, but I’m happy I didn’t go see it in theaters. We landed around 1pm.
We found a man standing with an FIDF sign, bypassed passport control, got our bags, and were off! I was sad we didn’t make time for an Aroma stop at the airport, but I guess that’s what it is to be part of a group. One person on our trip has never been to Israel before, which is always exciting to see. I also should mention I have the most luggage of anyone in the group, which should surprise absolutely no one.
Omer Neutra, of Plainview, Long Island, who is still held hostage by Hamas
We are staying at the Hilton Tel Aviv. Apparently, Hilton is extremely supportive of our work and gave us a ridiculously cheap rate, which is very nice of them, but also smart because we will bring missions here. As we pulled up we saw the FIDF signs and the little FIDF check in station where we met our travel company. We were greeted by champaign, FIDF polo shirts, a knapsack, a welcome gift, and our room keys. They told us we had been upgraded to the Vista level rooms, which they bill as a “hotel within a hotel” – it’s basically club level and there’s a private lounge for Vista guests with food and drinks. The room is gorgeous and has a great bathtub and a fantastic view of Tel Aviv. I was also met by a bottle of wine and a fruit plate.
I showered and then met up with Sarah. We took a taxi to Hostage Square, an area near the IDF heart quarters where the families of the hostages have basically encamped and held rallies and protests. It’s the place where you often see photos of a shabbat table with an empty seat set for each hostage. It’s kind of become an exhibit of sorts. We saw the long table, the One Pita A Day exhibit, the Tunnel, and a bunch of other things. I bought some dog tags (Madeleine requested one).
We decided to walk to Foot Locker, because Sarah needed new sneakers. On the way we stopped at a Roladin for coffee, but when we walked in they told us the ice café machine was broken. I asked for a latte, and they said “what is latte?” We think they were just messing with us, so we left, but not without buying two hamantashen. It was still Shushan Purim after all. Then we kept walking and saw an Aroma in a mall and finally got an Iced Aroma. The Foot Locker was also in there. Sarah thought the guy there was really rude there as well. Somehow she ended up with two pairs of shoes and I got one, which is really all I need because I didn’t bring enough shoes.
We got back to the hotel and had our welcome reception in the Vista Lounge. It was like a dinner, except it was just “appetizers.” We met the rest of the group along with the people who run the hotel. Then we headed downstairs where we had dinner in a private room. The tour operator, Ortra, presented who they are, and then we had a keynote by Gadi Ezra on the Ethics of War who served in the Prime Minister’s office as the International Director of Public Diplomacy Unit. He also served in the IDF in a special forces unit. He gave several real-life examples of situations he faced over his service and posed them to us to ask what we would have done. It was fascinating. I was exhausted, but it was great. Then dinner came and it was delicious. There were appetizers, a salmon with soba noodles that could have been a main course, a meat and chicken, and then a dessert tower.
After dinner I obviously went back to the Vista Lounge. Loyal readers will remember how sad I was that the cruise buffet closed at 8:30. Thankfully this is open until 11, like a normal post dinner lounge should be. Anyway, we hung out there until it was time for bed. I went back to the room, made good use of the bathtub (which was amazing) and then went to bad.
I’m so tired. Good day.
Winter Break 2024. Epilogue. Until Next Time.
We stepped off the ship and made our way into the terminal. We really had no idea what to expect. Would we just walk straight to our bags, or would we need to stop and go through passport control?
What we found in the terminal ended up being something in between – a facial recognition checkpoint. You didn’t need to show your passport, but you had to step up and have your face scanned. I went first, followed by the girls. After each of us scanned the machine showed a big green check.
All of us were very nervous. Then Inbar went.
Green check!
That was nerve wracking, but thankfully we all made it through no problem! Wahoo!
I still don’t understand. It’s like no one was paying attention. I feel like we could’ve brought a member of Hamas onto the ship and back with us and no one would’ve even realized. I think we probably won’t test this out again in the future, but it’s pretty wild that we agonized over this for so many months and came close to not bringing Inbar with us, and at the end of the day it wasn’t an issue at all.
From there we got our luggage and ordered our Uber. It took the driver at least 20 minutes to find us. Thankfully we had a porter with us to help navigate things.
The Uber ride was astronomically expensive, and took about an hour and a half. Airport check in was easy. Going through security our little bag of kids medicines got pulled off the line and the TSA agent checked all of the bottles. When he was done he took a long time putting everything neatly back in the Ziploc bag. Tzvi told him that was very nice of him and that they didn’t do that for you in New York, to which the TSA agent said, “that’s because it’s New York.”
We killed some time in the terminal with pizza and Dylan’s Candy Bar. Then it was time to get on the plane. The flight was pretty easy and once again very enjoyable in Delta Comfort Plus.
Our welcome back to New York was the usual, gross. Our driver picked us up and we went home. We were welcomed by my parents who had brought us dinner and generally helped us get settled. That was helpful.
Final Thoughts:
You know how they say parents don’t take their kids on vacation, they just take care of their kids in a different place? Well, that’s kind of how this week felt. Well, I took care of the kids and Tzvi in a different place.
It was a fun and exhausting week. I think we came out of this with a lot of complaints – the weather was crappy for a bunch of days, most of the food on the ship was not great, the rough seas were not fun, and Tzvi was sick for a whole day. But despite all of that, it was still a fantastic trip. The ship was great, and I think the kids really had the best time. I still think Madeleine can’t believe that she got to ride the ‘merican round so many times, and Hallie’s still talking about riding the slide so many times.
Until next time…
Winter Break 2024. Chapter 6. Bags Out By 10PM.
We woke up this morning in sunny Cozumel, Mexico.
Friday
We didn’t plan an excursion today because it’s always gross, so we took our sweet time. We opted to have breakfast in Central Park at the Park Café. More limited fare, but enough to get by and less crowded. The weather was nice and we ate outside in the park. Behind us were a table of Jews that only just figured out that the frosted donuts were Kosher. I don’t understand how they went 5 days without knowing that, or at least asking the staff or any of 1 million other Jews around. Anyway, good for them.
We decided that we were going to get off the ship and walk around the port because, as Texas Todd said at the shopping talk on Day 2, Cozumel has the best shopping. Well, he must have low standards. It’s your general kind of gross port. Same stores, same people trying to call you in, same crap sold at every store, and same token Israelis trying to sell you skincare. The first thing we did was get the kids’ hair braided. Hallie has been asking all cruise, and I kept telling her that last year when she got them done she took them out within 24 hours, but alas, there we were getting the braids. We got some free charms, spent way too much money for color changing t shirts at Del Sol. The kids also bought color changing putty, because apparently that’s what they came to Mexico for. I also bought a rum cake, much to Tzvi’s protesting. [Tzvi: Every cruise we go on, Steph buys a rum cake. She brings it home, sticks it in the cabinet, and a year and a half later I throw it in the garbage. Well, not this time. She has 2 weeks to eat it or I’m tossing it.] Then we got back on the ship and left Inbar to do some shopping at the port (really trying to press her luck there).
Back on the ship we had lunch at the buffet and then hung out at the pool. It’s always fun to be on the ship on port days because it is so much emptier.
Around 3pm Inbar came and took the girls and we went to the spa for our 75 minute couples’ massages. Like every other cruise they try to upsell you (‘you really need hot stones’) which isn’t fun, but the massages were actually great. After that we went back to the room and got ready for Shabbat, watched the sail-away from Cozumel, and then went down to take some photos before dinner.
Tonight was formal night, and we were originally going eat in the dining room, but because we rescheduled things due to Tzvi’s illness, tonight was Jamie’s Italian. I’m kind of sad we didn’t get to see all the Jewish families doing Shabbat, but oh well.
The meal was great, except the girls were a little nuts. The restaurant is located in Central Park, so the kids kept going in and out. There was another family there, clearly Jews, with 5 kids between 21 and 2 years old, and one on the way. At first the baby kept hugging Hallie and leading her around by the hand, which Hallie just found entertaining. Then they tried to take the baby back to the table to feed it, and she was not happy to leave Hallie. From then on, that baby did not stop screaming and it took them forever to take her out.
After dinner, we took the girls back to the room and Inbar stayed with them while Tzvi and I saw Columbus, the second show of the cruise, with the same performers as Grease. I thought I was ok, not great, not bad, enjoyable. It was pretty silly – it was the story of Christopher Columbus’ cousin Marvin, who’s father sends him on his own ship to find his own destiny. It was all contemporary pop songs and there was a huge ship on the stage that rotated and moved around, which was fun. But the story was just ridiculous and ended with them hitting land in Florida and running into a Royal Caribbean ship. The cruise director came out, and then somehow Marvin’s father got younger even though he was 600 years old. I think the most notable thing about the show was that we got an awful Kahlua and cream. I said earlier that you couldn’t mess those up. I was wrong.
After the show we got a better Kahlua and Cream, and then we went to bed.
Saturday
We woke up with no idea what time it was. It’s amazing how much calmer the seas have been the past two or three days. It’s actually been enjoyable. We knew that we likely wouldn’t have a ton of sun today, so we got ready for the pool early and went to get chairs. They are pretty strict about not reserving chairs, so we had to come up with a game plan. It would take too long to go to the regular buffet, especially with the huge line and only 8 sinks. So, instead we opted for the Solarium Bistro, located in the adults only area, but open to kids for breakfast. It was actually great, had most of the options the buffet had, and had zero wait. Good call.
We spent the morning at the pool, and at one point I went downstairs to get coffee and go to the Veterans salute. This was a wonderful tribute to the members of the armed forces, veterans, and fallen soldiers. There was a huge American flag hung from the ceiling, and a large cupcake flag display. They went through every war since WWII and acknowledged the veterans in the crowd. They also shouted out all non-US citizens who have served their country. Unfortunately, Inbar wasn’t there. Then the cruise director read a poem given to him by a veteran, and a veteran from Vietnam (I think) read another poem. They ended with taps and the national anthem. It was such a nice display of appreciation that is too rarely seen.
I went back to the pool and we swam and went to the hot tub for a while. Then, around noon, the skies opened up, and that was it. We were in for the day. There was lightning and very quick (and loud) thunder.
For lunch we wanted to go to Johnny Rockets, but apparently so did everyone else. We ended up waiting and actually getting a table. I was surprised by the lack of tuna in my sandwich, but otherwise it was a good meal and everyone loved the onion rings. It finally stopped raining and we spent a lot of time riding the Abyss, climbing the kiddie rock wall, and just hanging at the Boardwalk. They had a kids “carnival” with some cute games and balloon animals for the kids as well.
Around 5pm we all went to the Royal Promenade to watch the flash mob. There were tons of people waiting to see it, so it wasn’t much of a surprise. Inbar was the best one, but the young religious boy and his mother came in at a close second.
After that we had to get to a 5pm dinner, our last in the dining room, and we also had to pack. There wasn’t time for both, and neither could be undertaken without first getting drinks, Tzvi went to the Trelis Bar in Central Park and ordered a couple of drinks to bring to the room. Tzvi has been trying to get someone to make him a margarita with mezcal this whole trip, but none of the bars have had mezcal. Well, he finally found it. Apparently this was impressive to the man sitting at the bar, who asked where Tzvi was from. When Tzvi said New York, the man was shocked. “A New Yorker who likes mezcal?” The man was a Vietnam vet and gave Tzvi his card, which interestingly doesn’t actually have his contact information.
No one was hungry for dinner, but we did what we could. Luckily there wasn’t much worth eating, so we didn’t miss out. The humus appetizer was pretty bad, and Tzvi’s moussaka was basically an uncooked mess. My pecan crusted salmon was meh. The best thing we had was the apple crumble.
After dinner we had reservations for the final attempt at performing the Fine Line, the Aqua show they kept cancelling. Well, today they finally did it! The show was very cool. There was lots of diving and for the finale a man did a tightrope walk 55 feet above the deck and then dove from that height. The girls really enjoyed it.
When that ended we did our final night shopping. We bought some shirts and Hallie got a keychain model of the ship. Then we went to the photo area to buy our photos, for which we paid a million dollars. Cruise ship photos are kind of like airport tuna sandwiches; their prices have no basis in reality.
Tzvi took Madeleine back to the room to go to sleep which Hallie and I walked around and got her last strawberry daquiri. Inbar went to her last 18-25 gathering. And then Tzvi and I got our last Kahlua and Cream. Tzvi was hungry because he hadn’t actually eaten at dinner, but there was nothing to get other than pizza, which wasn’t great.
We did a final walk around the ship to check out all of the areas we’d never seen, and then went to bed.
Sunday
Sunday morning we woke up too early. We had luggage tag 64, which was the last luggage tag, meaning we were supposed to be the last ones off the ship. The luggage had been taken away the night before, so all we had to do was get up, dress and go to breakfast. That’s why we set our alarm for 8am. Unfortunately, at 730 am they started making announcements over the PA system… in our room! I’ve never had that before and it was not pleasant.
Anyway, we went for our last breakfast at Windjammer and sat at our usual seats at the back of the buffet. For some reason it was like a Jew only section. All around us. Every table. A large group of them even had personalized sweatshirts (I kind of want to do that for next cruise). We kept hearing announcements that it was time to get off the ship, but we were all taking our sweet time. The entire buffet was empty except for our section. It kind of felt like a kiddush where we all just hang around until the last possible minute.
Finally it was time to get off the ship. We were all very nervous. We had spent the last week trying not to think about what would happen to Inbar when she got off the ship. We were all hoping the answer would be nothing, but there was always the chance they would stop her and make a fuss, that she’d need to enter the US on her tourist visa and then be kicked out of the program and sent home in 30 days.
We swiped our sea pass cards one last time and stepped off the ship and then headed down the ramp to the terminal to find out whether or not Inbar would be permitted back into the United States.
Winter Break 2024. Chapter 5. Three Pyramids and a Whole Lot of Whining.
Well, He is risen. Tzvi woke up today to a miraculous recovery, or at least he was feeling a lot better.
Today we woke up next to the Norwegian Breakaway, also docked at Roatan. (We took that ship out of New York pre-Hallie.) We headed to breakfast, buffet as usual. Tzvi decided to test himself and had a buttered English muffin. While we were sitting Hallie whispered to me that next to us was a HAFTR teacher. Ends up she was the secretary in the Early Childhood. We started talking and she said she recognized Madeleine. We obviously discussed yesterdays’ medical emergency as well as the amount of Jews on board, the two hot topics. They have a daughter who is in 3rd grade at HAFTR. Maybe she and Hallie will play together. Then again, probably not.
We had some time to kill, so I did a quick 20 minutes at the gym and Tzvi did work. We got ready, and made it (basically) on time for our 11:00am shore excursion. Inbar didn’t join us because she was afraid to get off the ship in Honduras.
Our shore excursion was a four hour trip to a beach club across the island. We were loaded into a van and driven 20 minutes along what may have been the only paved road on the island. At one point Hallie asked “why is Honduras so messy?” Tzvi tried to explain first-world countries and third world countries to her, but she didn’t really get it. We were dropped off at a beach around 1130am and told that there was a 1pm shuttle back to the ship and a 3pm shuttle. Tzvi did some quick math and then told the tour guy that didn’t make sense because it was a 4 hour tour, from 11am to 3pm; 1pm would get us back at 130pm, 3pm would get us back at 330. The guy got a supervisor, but no one really had an answer.
It was okay though, because we pretty much knew when we sat down that we would be heading back on the 1pm shuttle. In all honestly, we did have a nice time and it wasn’t the worst beach we’ve ever been to, but it was far from the best. There were chairs, but no umbrellas, and Hallie had very basic French fries for $6. The girls collected shells, we made Madeleine a mermaid tail, stepped in the water a bit (which was kind of gross), and then we were ready to go. A little before 1pm a guy came around and asked who was going back on the shuttle. We said we were, and then he said we would definitely have a seat and “if you want to take care of me at the end that would be good.” Tzvi was offended at the notion of being asked for a tip by someone who had done nothing, but thank God he gave him $10 because when we got to the shuttle there we only three seats left (which I guess he held for us). There was no way we were staying there until 3pm.
The best part of any shore excursion day is, you guessed it, getting back on the ship. We went straight to the pool just in time for it to get cloudy. We got seats, grabbed some food at the buffet, and then played in the kiddie area and hot tub. Hallie and I also went on the big water slide. You had to be 48 inches and she justtttt made it. I’m really proud of her for trying all these big slides. While we were in the pool we listened to a Jewish family explaining to a Christian family why they should visit Israel. Because now’s the time to pitch that one.
We changed and then headed to the rock wall! Hallie, Tzvi, Inbar and I climbed. (I’d like to note the miraculous recovery of my husband who was deathly ill yesterday and rock-climbing today.) I managed to make it to the top and ring the bell. Hallie made it to the lower bell, which was very impressive, and then Tzvi made it to the lower bell, which was less impressive. Then Madeleine did the carrousel a million more times and Hallie and I went on the Abyss again, the ten story regular slide.
We changed for dinner and headed out. Tonight is Caribbean night, and I think we all looked the part.
this photo was too good not to buy
Dinner was at 150 Central Park, the nicest restaurant on the ship. We decided that for this meal Tzvi and I would sit next to each other, rather than me sitting in the middle of the two girls like every other meal. Madeleine wasn’t having it and kept trying to sit in the booth with us. We had eaten at this restaurant on Allure of the Seas 12 years ago when they served a 7 course tasting menu, but now it’s just a regular menu. Our waiter was from Mumbai and was very good and knowledgeable. We asked him about the changes to the restaurant and he said that things are very different than they were when we were on Allure and guests aren’t thrilled. Anyway, I started with a delicious pumpkin soup and a Caesar salad. Tzvi had a sunchoke soup and a beet and goat cheese salad. Tzvi had the halibut, and I had the cauliflower dish, which was fine, but without the Greek yogurt sauce it was very spicey. Madeleine had all the noodles. Dessert was weird. It was great food, but weak on dessert.
Of course we then stopped at the buffet for dessert number 2. Then Madeleine and Tzvi went back to the room and Hallie and I walked around a bit and looked at our photos. Eventually we got the girls to bed, and then Tzvi got himself to bed. He still wasn’t 100% and ended up just falling asleep. I went to the Love and Marriage show by myself. It was hilarious and of course the best one was the couple married 60 years. I will say though the middle couple (Ezra and Lori, of course), married 18 years, were very good as well. Good show. I capped off the night with another Kahlua and cream. Now I’m just the girl that sits at bars alone at night. A guy asked if I was here by myself. I wonder if there are many 34 year old women who go on cruises alone.
Good day.
Thursday
Last night was rough. I don’t think it kept anyone else up though. Then my alarm went off, but when I went to the Royal Caribbean app, it said ship time was an hour behind, so it was really 630 and not 730 and my phone had automatically moved an hour forward. Wonderful. At the real 7:30 everyone got up and got dressed. We had to have a very fast breakfast to make it to the pier in time for our 8:45 tour.
We were docked in Puerto Costa Maya, Mexico. The dock is about a mile long and took 15 minutes to walk from the ship to the meeting point for our excursion. We got there by 9am, but not before I had to run back up to the buffet to get Madeleine’s sweater that she forgot (and felt she needed in this heat). We just cant seem to keep track of sweaters on this trip. Anyway, we were obviously the last to join the tour, but we made it.
Our tour for the day was a visit to the Mayan ruins of Chachoben. After making me walk through the ruins of the Roman Forum in 2014, Tzvi promised me that I would never need to go to any ruins again. When we were booking shore excursions though, my mother-in-law said the last thing she wanted to do before she died was visit the Mayan ruins. Okay, maybe she wasn’t that dramatic, but she wanted to see ruins, and honestly there was nothing else that seemed worthwhile so we said okay. When she cancelled, we looked again and decided to just stick with what we had already booked.
The tour was a three hour excursion – an hour to the ruins, and hour and a half at the ruins, and an hour back. The van was nice and had a driver (Balthazar!) and tour guide (Sergio). We learned that there was basically nothing in Costa Maya before 2001 when the cruise port opened. I guess that’s when someone realized cruise ship passengers will pay anything to see some old rocks. Sergio kept talking about the archeologists who discovered Chachoben, except it sounded like he said oncologists, which was disconcerting. We drove through a whole lot of nothing, except for a bunch of fruit stands. Sergio kept telling us how amazing the mango and pineapple is that’s sold at the side of the road, but there was no opportunity to stop, so that was kind of a tease.
Finally we made it to Chachoben and began our trek into the jungle. We started on a gravely walkway that quickly turned to muddy, jungle floor. When I say we walked and pushed a stroller through the jungle for an hour, I’m not exaggerating. It was a little jungle with some light excavation of Mayan ruins. We saw a few pyramids from around 200 AD, which were cool to see. After 20 minutes Madeleine decided she needed to pee and just couldn’t wait, but of course there is no bathroom in the middle of the jungle, so Inbar tried to take her behind a bush to pee. As soon as Madeleine crouched down she started saying she was itchy and we looked down to find that ants were crawling up and down her legs. We got them off her, but they still managed to get in her socks and shoes. And she didn’t pee. And Inbar got ants in her shoes. It was a disaster. Eventually we made it back around and out of the jungle where we paid $11 for two cups of freshly cut pineapple and mango. The mango was too soft for me, but it did taste very fresh. We got back on the bus, where we were given ice cold cervezas and Mexican coke for the hour long ride back. At least now I can cross Mayan ruins off my list.
We walked around the port a bit and looked at the stores. We kept passing stores selling beauty products and eventually Tzvi asked if we thought the swarthy, dark men working in the stores were Mexican or Israeli. Finally Tzvi said he’d give me $10 if I asked someone if they were Israeli. Well, I walked right up to a store, pretended to be interested for about 10 seconds and then asked a woman where she was from. Well, obviously she said Israel. Yes, they barely have roads in Costa Maya, but they have Israelis selling beauty supplies. When we asked why they would want to go live in Mexico she just said, “Have you seen the beach?” I still haven’t seen that $10 by the way.
We got back on the ship and had lunch, then spent the afternoon swimming and hot tubbing.
Then we all changed and headed to dinner at Wonderland, an Alice in Wonderland themed restaurant. A man dressed as the mad hatter called our names and took us through a doorway that was sitting in the middle of the entry way. He kept laughing (I guess like Johnny Depp in the movie), but then when we entered he started humming the Jurassic Park theme and then said ‘wrong movie,’ which I guess is his joke, but I didn’t really get why (and then we kept hearing him hum the same music all throughout dinner). We were handed framed menus that we had to paint with water to make the words show up. Hallie used all of the water, plus her cup of drinking water and probably ruined the menu, but at least she had fun. Tzvi ordered a smoky cocktail, which was cool, but so smoky it was undrinkable. I got one of those drinks that comes with a full glass of cotton candy that melts as you pour the drink over it, which is cool, but was just too sweet.
The kids each started with a fruit bowl, which came topped with a huge mound of cotton candy. That was a nice start for them. All of our food was weird, but in fairness, I went into this meal knowing this would be one of those dinners where I appreciate everything is interesting but don’t actually like anything. We started with a birds nest of chocolate dusted noodles and deviled eggs. Then there was a deconstructed burrata salad, and then cones of avocado mouse (which were supposed to have crab, and were kind of plain with just avocado). There was also a hollowed out half of a lime filled with spicy tuna and topped with a lemon granita; Tzvi and Inbar really enjoyed that. For the mains we got branzino and halibut. The halibut came in a bag and had a lot of mushrooms; Tzvi said it was okay. The branzino came with a bread crust and was served over a delicious rice. Tzvi and Inbar loved the branzino and ate most of it. Hallie didn’t eat much, and Madeleine had a few bites of mac and cheese fries (basically fried sticks of mac and cheese, which Tzvi tried and said were very good). For dessert we had something that looked like a cartoon mushroom but I’m not sure what it actually was, and then a chocolate ball that they poured melted chocolate over and inside was a peanut butter mousse. That was delicious. We kept seeing them doing big birthday celebrations so we told them it was Hallie’s birthday. That was cute.
After dinner we made a stop at the buffet where Madeleine had shredded carrots and chocolate ice cream… together.
Then we tried to see the Fine Line… again. We got seats and watched as a man in a dress spun around in a circle for five minutes as the show began. I guess the special thing is that he doesn’t get dizzy? Finally the show started. The aqua theater is very cool and has a pool with two sides where the stage goes up and down in the pool. As it started, the stage rose up and there were performers seated on chairs that came up from the bottom of the pool. That was pretty cool. Then they started dancing. And then they stopped dancing. A voice came on and apologized for a technical difficulty. We waited a bit and then the cruise director, Steve from Canada, came out to tell us that there was something wrong with the mechanism that raises and lowers the stage in the pool and it’s not something they can just fix on the spot. Just no luck with this show. Instead they did an alternate version that had no dives and was way less cool, basically just a bunch of dancing with some splashing around. There was also some cool aerial stuff by a woman who flies over the audience in a harness. The girls still enjoyed it, but hopefully we get to see the whole show at some point.
Of course Madeleine made a last stop at the ‘merican round and then we put the girls to bed. Once they were asleep we capped off the day with a last Kahlua and Cream, which we took to Central Park. We sat outside for a bit enjoying the night air.
What an exhausting couple of days.
Winter Break 2024. Chapter 4. Make It Make Sense.
I literally can’t even. There is no other way to begin.
Last night we were in rough seas. Angry seas, my friends. Like an old man, trying to send back soup in a deli.
It was like we were bouncing around, rolling left and right, up and down. I mean, we knew it would be rough Monday, but the Captain said it should have calmed down by evening. Well, this was the opposite. It was nerve wracking and in the middle of the night Hallie got up and said she was scared. I was up and down all night (and apparently so was Tzvi).
I woke up Tuesday morning and about 2 minutes later my darling husband said he needed to go vomit. He said he had basically been up all night feeling nauseous, so we assumed it was just sea sickness. Alas, we are not so lucky. Tzvi had chosen this exact moment, day 3 of a seven day vacation, to get his annual stomach virus. It’s weird because this went around our house two weeks ago, and he didn’t get it. Guess he was saving it.
So he was out. The rest of us got dressed and went to breakfast, still bopping around. Also we couldn’t figure out what time it was because apparently our phones went an hour ahead. It’s all very confusing.
Then the captain came on the speaker to give us the “explanation” for the rough seas. He told us that last night there was a “medical emergency” and they decided to go full speed ahead to Honduras. So instead of docking in Honduras on Wednesday at 8:00am, we we’re going to arrive Tuesday at 10:30pm, with a ship of 6000 nauseated people and one (likely) critically ill person. We also couldn’t dock in Cozumel, which was closer, because they already had seven ships docked and there wasn’t any parking. What doesn’t make sense is why they didn’t Medivac this person out by helicopter, but instead ruined the night and day of 6000 people so they could rush them to a clinic in the back of a Honduran grocery store. Can someone make it make sense? It was so rough that they had vomit bags placed around the ship. Madeleine took one and brought it to Tzvi.
vomit bags
After breakfast I decided once again to try to get the kids into the kids club. To be fair, Madeleine kept asking to go. We stood around for a while and finally Hallie went in. Madeleine would only go after I bribed her with the promise of M and Ms and told her that Hallie would play with her (as I mentioned earlier, the ages are separated so they don’t really allow this). Well, apparently Madeleine started crying after Hallie left but I showed up right as they were going to call me to come get her. During my twenty minutes or so of free time I went and got a cup of coffee. Obviously when Hallie saw me she wanted to leave too, but not before saying bye to a new friend she met named Hailey.
From there we went to the Promenade for the celebratory parade. What were they celebrating? Every holiday including New Years, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, everyone’s birthday, weddings and more. It was very cute and they kids enjoyed.
By this time, even though it was rocky and windy it was sunny so it was time to try our luck at some water activities. Oh, did I mention all of the pools were closed because it was so windy due to our speed. Awesome. Thankfully the kids splash pad was open so we hung out there. There is a baby section and a kid section. They went in both, but Madeleine liked the baby section because it had smaller slides she could go on. Eventually someone told her she couldn’t be there because it was just for non- toilet trained kids. I don’t understand why that’s a problem. Like, if she wanted to hang around a pee infested pool isn’t that her prerogative? I would understand the opposite, but whatever.
[Tzvi: In case anyone is wondering what I did, I laid in bed. I spent three hours telling myself I was going to get up, fight through, and go outside. Finally at 2pm I got dressed and left the room. I took a walk for about 5 minutes to Central Park so I could change our dining reservations (we had specialty dining booked for the evening and I wasn’t going to make that). Well, 5 minutes was about all I could handle. It was enough to see that I was missing a very nice day. I went back to the room and collapsed on the bed.]
By then it was about 2:15 so we went for lunch at the buffet while Inbar went to her Flash Mob practice. Really looking forward to being surprised by that Flash Mob. We checked on dad in the room who was ailing (and brought him some red powerades from the gym), and then hung around the carousel area. Hallie and I went up the do the Abyss, the ten story slide. It was pretty scary and I’m really proud she did it. It’s a fun slide.
We got ready for dinner, and headed to the 5:15 family science lab activity. We were supposed to eat at Jamie’s Italian tonight, but because of Tzvi’s illness, we pushed it to Friday. So we didn’t rush to our usually dining room time of 5pm and instead did science! By science, I mean we watched a woman pour together vinegar, food coloring, water, dish soap, and baking soda to make a “volcanic eruption.” The kids enjoyed it.
For dinner I decided to go one level down from our usual dining room. They told us if there was no table we’d have to wait until 7:30 to eat, which was ridiculous, but thankfully they found us a table, right next to a table of like ten Jews. How is it that there are only 250 of them but somehow we always end up next to them? At dinner Inbar and I discussed our theories. Observant Jews live their lives very insulated, doing their own things, eating at their own restaurants, and generally spending time with each other. So no one really cares when the others aren’t acting wonderfully. If I have five kids, then I can empathize with someone else who has five kids and not care if two of them are screaming in a restaurant, right? So then, these people figure out that they can take a cruise vacation and still manage to eat, and they come to this place filled with non Jews, and they just don’t understand how to act. I mean hey, I’m one of them, but it’s just like amazing how they don’t see us. At one point the 3 year old at the table next to us was just screaming and everyone around him was like ‘oh haha are you sad?” Also at one point the kid broke a glass and then they were looking in his mouth for glass shards.
Anyway, back to dinner, ironically it was Italian night. I had some vegan spaghetti Bolognese which was fine. The desserts actually were pretty good. But of course, we made a buffet stop because “tzvi needed bananas” which he never actually ate. The girls of course got ice cream and Hallie saw her friend Hayley. Maybe she’ll go to the kids club with her. Then again, probably not.
We did a final carousel for the evening and then it was time for bed. Inbar went to the 18-25 year old meet up to play board games and made friends. She found some Jews, obviously. Once the girls were sleeping I went out and got my nightly cappuccino and Kahlua and cream. I ended up just sitting at a bar for a while scrolling my phone. I just needed to not hear any voices or breathing. It was nice. I went back to the room where Tzvi was going in and out of consciousness, though he said he was feeling a little better.
Then I sat out on our windy deck watching the bright lights of Roatan, Honduras welcome us late in the evening. I hope whoever needs the medical care got it and had a speedy recovery. Perhaps they would like to take Tzvi as well?
Winter Break 2024. Chapter 3. Why Are They Starving Us?
We woke up this morning to… cloudy skies! At least it’s not frigid.
I think the girls woke us up around 730, which was pretty good. Tzvi gave Hallie a speech the night before that she wasn’t allowed to wake us up unless someone was dying.
We headed upstairs for our buffet breakfast, but thankfully there was no line. Breakfast was fine. Standard cruise buffet fare. After breakfast Hallie wanted to go to the port shopping lecture, I think because she heard there was a raffle where you could win diamond earrings. I can’t believe it but we actually sat through the lecture for a full hour. In case you’re wondering, the good shopping is in Cozumel and there’s a shopping party from 8:00 - 10am. At the end they raffled off a bunch of prizes and we won! What did we win? “$100 off any photo package!” Amazing, right? Read the fine print: minimum purchase $500. Whomp whomp. I feel like that was one of those things that leave a poor taste in your mouth and you’d never see on Celebrity.
While we did that, Tzvi took Madeleine to the Boardwalk. They rode the ‘merican round several times, and then Madeleine discovered the climbing wall, which she absolutely loved.
Then it was raining and windy so we explored more of the inside areas. We found the arcade where we played air hockey, Hallie injured her finger on the puck, and then the girls wanted to play Mario Kart.After that we went to Broadway Musical trivia, which we didn’t do very well in, and then it was lunchtime. We went upstairs to the buffet only to find a long, long line. They basically said it was too crowded so they let people in 15 at a time. I don’t get it. Don’t make a ship for 6500 people if you can’t handle it. The real problem was that everyone was inside because of the meh weather. We got the same table we had for breakfast.
After lunch Tzvi went back to the room to do some work, and Inbar and I walked around the promenade. At 2 Inbar went to a flash mob dance rehearsal (can you really call it a flash mob if it’s on the schedule?) and I took the girls to the kids club. Hallie went in with no issue but Madeleine wouldn’t go. So we just stood outside the door for a while until Tzvi came to relieve me. I saw a Jewish mom arguing with the kids club staff upset that her kids couldn’t be together because they split the groups up by age, which like, duh. What does this mom think? They are going to put the kids together because she wants them to? Like, why? I mean I know I’m entitled, but to observe other people is something else.
Madeleine never made it into the kid’s club, so at 3pm Tzvi took her and Hallie to the puppet show. Madeleine kept calling it a puppy show, but thankfully was not upset when there were no dogs. It was called Away We Go and was about a half hour. It was glow in the dark and was very cute. The girls loved it.
During this time I went to the gym. It was not crowded. I was surprised, although I guess I shouldn’t have been. Although, I will say that the old stereotype of cruise ships being filled with obese people is definitely no longer true. The majority of people are neither fit and thin, nor fat. It’s mostly just normal people. Like us.
I met back up with the kids on the Boardwalk and we got milkshakes, this time strawberry and a vanilla malt. Before heading back to the room we made a stop at the Bionic Bar. It’s basically this robotic bar where you use a table to order what you want (you can choose from premade drinks or make your own recipes) and then the robots mix everything. Tzvi made up a drink that I did not like but he said was okay.
Then it was time to get ready for dinner! Early bird special once again. Tonight was formal night, which is always fun. Dinner was actually delicious. I had butternut sqaush soup and salmon. We also shared a vegan risotto and tried all of the desserts, but the good one was the apple crumble. Again, Madeleine had all of the noodles.
After dinner we had reservations to see the Fine Line, the show in the aqua theater, but unfortunately it was cancelled due to the weather. It was a little windy and rocky, and the show is basically a lot of diving, which I guess is tough to do with rough seas. Instead, we decided to try to get into Grease, which we did. Not the best seats but they were fine, and when you don’t have a reservation it is what it is. The show was great and the girls loved it. Hallie didn’t really get most of the jokes, but she understood enough to keep telling me the girls were sassy. At the end Madeleine said her favorite part was “the black girl at the end,” but which she meant the part when Sandy changes into the all-black outfit.
We tried to go for a snack but the buffet closed at 8:30! I don’t get it. People like to eat on cruises. Why are they starving us? Instead we took the girls to one of the bars on the promenade and they got strawberry daquiris. At some point we realized Madeleine had lost her white sweater. Tzvi thinks she left it at dinner and they probably swept it up with the white napkins and sent it down to main laundry. Either we’ll never see it again or that’s more free laundry.
Then they started to lose it and it was bedtime. Inbar went out to the comedy show, I went to the ‘90s party for a few minutes and Tzvi fell asleep in the room. He managed to get back up through and we went out to see Battle of the Sexes, which was silly but fun. They kept taking volunteers from the audience and at one point a group of four young Jewish guys went up. They were all from Brooklyn and they were all named Albert.
I have to say, even with the poor weather, this is going great. This is a great ship, there’s so much to do, the kids are loving it, Inbar managed to make it on board. Tomorrow I hope we’ll be far enough south that the weather will start to warm up. I think we can finally just relax and enjoy… right?
Wrong.
Winter Break 2024. Chapter 2. A Ride on the 'Merican Round.
Is there anything like a cruise ship terminal on boarding day?
Six thousand people filled with nothing but hope and excitement. The vacation hasn’t yet begun. The children haven’t yet started whining. The ship hasn’t yet started rocking. Nothing has gone wrong yet, and everyone just wants to get to the buffet.
We approached the check in area hesitantly. Tzvi scoped it out, trying to figure out which agent would be most lenient. Would the matronly Southern grandmother be nice and let Inbar go? The crew cut gray haired veteran in his fifties certainly wasn’t the right choice. Well, in the end it didn’t matter because it wasn’t our choice. They directed us into a line and we ended up with Pedro. I don’t know if that was really his name, but he was a Hispanic guy in his late twenties with a peach fuzz mustache and a little mullet and kind of looked like the character from Napoleon Dynamite. He fumbled through his script asking us a few basic questions, then took our passports, scanning them each with his tablet. After me, Tzvi, Hallie and Madeleine the whole screen went green with a huge check mark.
When he got to Inbar’s passport, he flipped the pages and landed on her visa. Her expired visa. He tried scanning it with his tablet, but nothing happened.
“Are you trying to find the first page?” Tzvi asked after a moment, realizing something was wrong.
Pedro nodded and Tzvi helped him find the right page. He scanned it.
Green!
Check mark!
He handed us back the passports and said “enjoy your cruise.”
We walked forward, kind of stunned, kind of confused. We crossed the length of the terminal, scanned our boarding passes and then walked the ramp up to the ship. [Soundtrack from Titanic plays in our heads.] And then we all stepped aboard and started our cruise.
That was it. No one really checked anything or asked any questions. It felt crazy and we couldn’t actually believe that she had made it on that easily, which caused Tzvi to wonder (unfortunately, out loud) whether that meant they were going to be checking things on the way back into the US. That brought us all down momentarily, but we managed to push that aside for a week and enjoy the cruise!
Stepping onto the ship we were immediately thrust into the crowds just trying to navigate the entrance and make their way in. We entered at the Royal Promenade. I remember feeling like I needed to orient myself to the lights and just stepping into this place for the first time.
We managed to find an elevator and headed toward our rooms, but there was a sign saying they wouldn’t be ready until 1:00pm and it was only around 12. No bother, we would go upstairs to the Windjammer buffet. Well, that’s where we encountered the first of many buffet lines. It was a line just to get into the hand washing area. I don’t understand why a ship for 6500 people only has like 8 sinks total, while the Celebrity ships have like 20.
Anyway, we finally found a table and sat down. That’s when we saw it. All around us. Covered heads, covered elbows, and a whole lot of plastic wrap. Did I mention we decided to sail out of Galveston to avoid the Yeshiva week crowds? Anyway, lunch was a bit rough to navigate, but we managed. Initial thoughts on the buffet is that there’s less variety than there was on Celebrity and the food definitely isn’t as good. Also, there’s no pizza at the buffet which is a huge let-down for Hallie.
We went to our rooms, which are surprisingly spacious (in terms of cruise rooms). Our luggage wasn’t there yet, so we decided to explore the ship. A bit about the ship. We’re sailing on Royal Caribbean Harmony of the Seas, which is an Oasis class ship. Tzvi and I were on Allure of the Seas, a ship of the same class, so we remembered the layout (or at least I did). The ship is pretty massive and has several “neighborhoods” including the Boardwalk and Central Park (yes, a park with trees). There are three pools and a kids splash area, four water slides, a huge non-water slide that swirls around over the back of the ship and an outdoor “aqua-theater”. Unlike our most recent cruises, drinks weren’t included in our cruise fare, so Tzvi and I got the deluxe beverage package. One nice thing to find out was that the milkshakes at Johnny Rockets are included in the Deluxe Beverage Package. Starbucks Coffee on the other hand, is not (there is an actual Starbucks on board – not a ‘we proudly brew Starbucks’ (though they have that too), but an actual Starbucks). There are only two places to get a decaf cappuccino on this ship. I don’t get it.
I went to the dining room just to mention about allergies and ask about kosher food. Of course they have the packaged stuff (have you seen who is on board this ship?) but I asked about fresh stuff like we got on Celebrity too. Nope. I also asked about the dining times, because we were scheduled for 5:00pm. Early bird special? The only set dining times on this ship are 5pm and 7:45pm, and turns out if you come later than 5:15pm they give away your table. This is also where I saw two old men yelling at each other because one cut the line. Happy vacationing.
We went back to the room, found our luggage, and started to unpack. We met our stateroom attendant Made (which is an ironic name for a housekeeper), and I asked him for 20 extra hangers, which seemed to surprise him. Do people not hang things? Eventually he had to switch me to wire hangers. We explored the ship a little, checking out the kids club and some other areas. We got our first milkshakes, but it was too cold to walk around outside so we went back to the room and unpacked. Tzvi got some kind of rum punch and we tried to watch sail-away from the balcony, but it was freezing.
We changed for dinner and made our way to the dining room for our 5:15 reservation. We were sat at a table right next to a table of our kin. They had paper plates, plastic silverware and lots of airplane meals. We overheard them talking to the maître de, who said that there were 250 people that had requested kosher food on this cruise. If there’s only 250 of them, why do we see them everywhere?
Before taking this cruise we had read that the included food (i.e., no extra charge) is sub-par, and the food you pay extra for is very good. That was certainly true. I still love the idea of eating in the grand-three-level dining room and having the same waiter every night, but even I have to admit the days of this cruise standby are probably coming to an end. It just wasn’t what it used to be, especially when it comes to the food. On Royal I think they really don’t put too much effort into the dining room food because they want you to eat in the specialty restaurants. We had a tomato soup, which kind of just tasted like tomato sauce. Tzvi had halibut and I had salmon. Madeleine ate all of the noodles.
After dinner we walked around and saw more of the ship. I took Hallie for her first strawberry daquiri at one of the bars and Tzvi and Madeleine checked out the Boardwalk where Madeleine discovered the carousel. Except, she didn’t call it a carousel or merry-go-round, she called it “the ‘Merican Round.” And none of us corrected her. For seven days. And yes, there really is a full size carousel on this ship, and I think Madeleine’s mind was blown by the fact that she could just ride over and over again for the whole cruise.
We decided to go to the ice show. We didn’t have a reservation (if you recall, they were all cancelled), but we got in no problem. It was a solid show, thought I didn’t actually understand any of the storyline. Cool ice jumps though. Hallie kept asking Tzvi what was happening, but he didn’t understand either. Eventually he got tired saying “I don’t know” and started making things up.
During one scene there was some kind of projections of fire. “What’s happening?”
“They’ve made it to the center of the earth and she got burnt by the lava because it’s really hot, and now she’s hideous but it’s okay because it’s all mole people down there and they’re all ugly too.” (In the next scene Hallie pointed out that the skater didn’t look burnt.)
When the main female skater left the ice, “Where did she go?”
“To get some cheese.”
After the show it was bedtime for the girls. We went back to the room where we found they had left us chocolate covered strawberries.
Tzvi and I figured that this would be like our last cruise, where we would end every night drinking cappuccino and kahlua and cream, eating whatever the dessert of the day is and discussing the day’s events. Unfortunately, there’s just nowhere to do that on this ship. We had to get the cappuccino at the Café Royal on the Royal Promenade, which is the one place that makes decaf cappuccinos (the other being the spa, which was closed). Then we had to go to another bar to get a Kahlua and Cream, which was delicious because you can’t screw that up. But there was nowhere to get cake. Café Promenade did have some desserts but they just did not look good.
So we got pizza instead.
Good day.
