Road Trip. Day 4. Upside Down.
Today’s the day!
We woke up around 7:30 and we were actually out of the room a little after 9. We went to the quick service place and got breakfast, got on the shuttle around 9:30, and were at the gates of Hershey by 9:50. THIS is a rope drop I can get on board with. The park opens at 11, but if you are staying at a Hershey property you get in an hour early.
We were let in and went straight to the Reese’s Cupfusion because we heard that line builds up fast. We got there, but it was still “closed for maintenance.” We didn’t want to give up our spot so one of us stayed on line while the rest of us took the girls on a few kiddie rides. After they did 3 rides the Reese’s ride opened, and there was STILL a short wait. I can’t even imagine waiting on the actual line because it barely moves. The ride was fun, kind of like Buzz Lightyear. We all enjoyed.
From there Inbar and I headed down towards the Sooper Dooper Looper with Hallie. This is a real roller coaster and goes upside down. Hallie had heard her friend went on it so she was set on doing it as well. Hallie did amazing and really loved the ride. I’m so proud.
From there we saw on the app that the Comet was only a half hour wait. Well, that was wrong. We were on that line for over an hour. It was a nightmare. At one point some entertainment troop came by and did “Name That Tune” which was moderately entertaining, but the line was painful. While on line we saw one of the second grade teachers from HAFTR go by. As we were about to get on the ride, they told us to wait while people came in from the exit. It was people who were on crutches, a whole group of them. Obviously we were “understanding” but after over an hour of waiting it was just rough. Anyway, we finally got on the ride and it was really fun. Hallie was a little taken aback but she enjoyed it. Unfortunately those are the only two big coasters she can do.
While we did those rides, Tzvi took Madeleine to the teacups and then the swing, which is exactly what it sounds like – a giant swing that just swings back and forth. Tzvi doesn’t like roller coasters because he gets nauseous, so I was surprised he went on two incredibly nauseating rides, but it was nice he wanted to appease Madeleine. They also rode the carousel, which is pretty fast for a carousel, so more spinning around for him.
While we were still waiting on line for Comet Tzvi got food from the Kosher food truck. When we got off we headed to meet them and ate lunch. It was chicken nuggets and fries for everyone. Actually, Tzvi and I got the chicken sandwiches, which turned out to just be chicken nuts on a bun. Definitely not as good as I remember – in the olden days you would get a huge bucket of fries. No more. Shame.
After lunch we walked to the monorail, because the app said it was a 10 minute wait. Guess what - it was an hour. This app is ridiculous and made us waste so much time, it was infuriating. There was only one monorail running. Like, why. It was cute though, but not worth an hour wait. After that we split up. Inbar and I went to do coasters and Tzvi took the girls.
We walked around the park and wound up at Wildcats Revenge. This was the re-done wildcat. It was insane. Terrifying. You can’t go on it if you are a leg amputee because the ride literally holds you in by the legs. Definitely the scariest coaster I’ve been on. After that we did the Lightning Racers, which used to be fun, but was now just painful (is it because the coaster is 15 years older, or because I’m 15 years older?).
[Tzvi: we walked all the way around to the other end of the park looking for Dippin Dots, which Hallie is obsessed with for some reason. The girls both got them, then Hallie ate hers and half of Madeleine’s. I just don’t understand the appeal. Then they wanted to go on the frog hopper, which is a little ride that goes up and down (and not very fast). They could’ve done it themselves, but once again Madeleine wanted me to join them, so… I rode the frog hopper. Twice. Then we went on the little train. It wasn’t even like I was sitting with them on the train – they were in the front cab “driving” it and I was on a bench behind them, but the cab was enclosed so it wasn’t even like we could see each other. But they wanted me on that train!]
We all met up at the Sunoco auto track, which is like Autopia in Disney – basically little cars on a track and you steer and press the gas. Madeleine and Hallie enjoyed driving. Then we took a ride up the Kissing Tower, but we forgot to kiss.
Walking out we saw that the line for Great Bear looked short, even though the app said it was 30 minutes. Inbar and I did it and it was definitely shorter than 30 minutes. We found Tzvi and Hallie sitting in Starbucks charging Tzvi’s phone. I took Hallie to do another small coaster, the Cocoa Cruiser. It was more fun than it looked. We hit the Merry Go Round one more time, and Inbar and I ended the day with Candymoniun, another major coaster. I guess the thing with new coasters is not harnessing your body, but just having a big lap bar, which is basically terrifying because you don’t feel locked in. Guess it’s part of the thrill.
We did some shopping at the main store at the park entrance, but they didn’t have the sweatshirt that Hallie wanted that she had seen in another store earlier in the day, so she made me walk back into the park to find that sweatshirt. Well, the sweatshirt ended up being adult sized, so she picked out a different sweatshirt, which it turns out they sell in the shop in our hotel. At least she’s happy. Madeleine got a life sized (well, her size) chocolate bar plush doll.
For dinner we ate at the Chocolatier, the main restaurant located at the park entrance. The food was pretty good. I got a heath bar crusted salmon, Tzvi got a veggie burger, and the kids got pizza and pasta. We ordered ice cream sundaes for the kids, and then a “Wildcat” sundae and peach cake for us. Well, dessert took about 45 minutes. They said it was because they were taking extra precautions because of the allergies. It was crazy. So much waiting today. They didn’t charge us for the dessert, thankfully.
By the time we got out of dinner it was after nine. We Ubered back to the hotel and went right to bed.
Fun day.
Road Trip. Day 3. Three States and a Bag of Pork Chips.
Last night was better.
Hallie said she woke up at 6, but then decided to go back to sleep until 7:30. How considerate of her. The rest of the trip was spent teaching Hallie how to be considerate of other people.
We got up and went up to breakfast at JG Skyhigh again. This time Tzvi got baked eggs, Hallie got pancakes, Inbar got oatmeal, and I got the “jungle bowl” which was an acai bowl with peanut butter. All pretty good and no one died. After breakfast we packed up and said goodbye, or rather, see you again (hopefully soon). We took multiple bottles of water and fruit as we left. They also gave us a purple crystal for a safe journey because… why not.
Madeleine’s three visits to Philly - in utero, age 1, age 3
We could’ve gone straight to Hershey, but we decided to travel from eastern Pennsylvania to western Pennsylvania by driving through Delaware and Maryland. We started by making the 45 minute trip to Wilmington, Delaware, where we stopped at Wilma’s for some good old Duck Pin Bowling. I think the last time I did that was on a vacation to Maine with my family when I was a teenager. It actually worked out really well for the kids because the smaller balls and pins were much easier for them. We did that for about an hour and then sat down to lunch (the place has food and bowling). We started with cornbread, and then I got salad, Tzvi got a fried green tomato sandwich, Inbar got the kids grilled cheese, Madeleine got fish nuggets, and Hallie had salmon. After that, Tzvi wanted to get a coffee so he googled best coffee in Wilmington and we all walked three blocks to an office building to a place called IM Coffee. He said it was good, and we got to “see the city.” All in all it was a great place and a good stop in Delaware. We looked for Biden, but he was in Maui visiting the fires.
We drove about a half hour through Maryland and back into Pennsylvania to Nottingham, for our next stop – the Herrs potato chip factory! I think the last time I did this must have been 25 years ago. The tour was great but unfortunately they don’t allow photos. We saw them making pretzels, tortilla chips and potato chips. We learned that they oversalt the pretzels because the salt falls off during shipping (they gave us fresh bags of pretzels and they were probably the saltiest pretzels I’ve ever had- they made me thirsty). It was cool to walk through and see everything in production. At the end our tour guide went into the room where they make the potato chips and literally scooped a tray of potato chips right off the production line. They were still hot when we got them and they were delicious. I should mention that it seemed like everyone visiting the factory was a religious Jew – our tour group was three families (including ourselves), all Jews. We also passed several other tour groups of Jews. We’re everywhere! At the end of the tour we picked up a bunch of chips and snacks that you can only buy at the factory, including the pork sandwich flavored chips, which are not only OU (kosher), but OU dairy! A few weeks ago our Rabbi actually gave a speech in shul about the pork chips, so we were curious to try them. They were kind of meaty and weird.
After the tour we made the 1.5 hour journey to Hershey! I think the last time we went to Hershey was in 2010, just after Tzvi and I started dating. We went with my parents and brothers, and we spent much of the drive on one lane roads, which we all thought was odd until late into the drive Tzvi asked if the navigation was avoiding highways. Apparently, it was. After that everyone thought Tzvi was brilliant for being the only one to figure that out. Well, 15 years later and I think it’s time to burst the bubble – we too found ourselves driving most of the way on one lane roads where we saw Amish people riding on horse drawn carriages, as well as houses with confederate flags and Let’s Go Brandon flags, and I think it’s just possible that the “easy route” is the only way into central Pennsylvania.
Anyway, pulling into Hershey was pretty exciting. I love seeing the street lamps shaped like Hershey kisses, Chocolate Avenue and Cocoa Avenue, driving under and around roller coasters, and the chocolate factory up on the hill. We finally pulled up to the hotel, which is over 100 years old and is really pretty and grand. At check in they gave Tzvi a huge Cookies and Cream bar for his birthday, and then everyone got their own regular size Hershey bar. We went to our rooms to got settled. We have connecting rooms, which are actually pretty spacious. The hotel feels old, but it’s well maintained. We did, however, find a spider in each room upon arrival, but thankfully those were the last we saw of them. The kids room has a jacuzzi tub so Hallie had to get in the bath right away. We spent about an hour unpacking and then left for dinner.
Tonight we ate at Devon, a fish place in the Hershey Press building across from Hershey Park (I guess it’s considered “on property” because we were able to pay with our room key). We shared a delicious fried cauliflower and a Caesar salad. I had salmon and Tzvi had parmesan crusted sole. Hallie was complaining the whole meal because she said there was nothing to eat, because they didn’t have pizza and she didn’t want salmon again, but eventually she gave in and allowed us to order her the white fish, which she loved and ate almost all of. The kids were crazy again, but Tzvi took charge with them, which was great. There wasn’t anything exciting for dessert and we were gearing up for a day of chocolate tomorrow, so we just ordered the berries and cream, which was fine.
We went back to the hotel and explored a bit. The hotel is huge. There’s an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, formal gardens, a spa, four restaurants, a bar and two lobbies (why? I don’t know). It’s really a grand old hotel and a huge contrast from the super modern 60th floor Four Seasons that we spent the last two nights at.
Back in the room, we got the kids ready for bed, which is when we realized we couldn’t find Madeleine’s elephant (her stuffed animal, which she’s more than a little attached to). We looked over every inch of the room but couldn’t find it. Tzvi went down to the car and searched under every seat, but couldn’t find it. Then he came back up and rechecked the room. Then I went back to the car and checked again. Nothing. It was bad. I don’t think Madeleine has slept a single night without elephant since our last au pair, Robyn, gave it to her when she arrived in August of 2021. Madeleine was very upset and just kept saying she wanted elephant. After making a few phone calls, we reached someone in guest services and asked who we could speak to about a lost stuffed animal.
“Is it an elephant?” the man asked.
Thank God. He said we lost it when we unpacked the car at the entrance. Less than a minute later the man delivered it to our door and order was restored. Madeleine was so excited to have elephant back, and within about thirty seconds of getting it back she was sound asleep. Also, it was after 10.
Great day. I’m tired.
Road Trip. Days 1 and 2. City of Sisterly Love.
Time for our road trip!
This year we opted for a lower-key summer vacation (well, is it really low key if we’re planning it?) and decided to do a road trip! Our first stop was Philadelphia.
We aimed to leave the house at 9am, but didn’t make it out until 9:30, which wasn’t surprising. It didn’t actually matter because the drive was shorter than expected. Including one rest stop, it was door to door in under 2.5 hours. We approached the Four Seasons Philadelphia, our regular spot. We were met with pink lemonade and Evian water bottles upon arrival. Then we headed up the 60 flight elevator and checked in. Madeleine was a little scared of how high it went, but she got over it. At check in they wheeled out a big red wagon and let the girls pick toys. They both chose plush Minions dolls, even though they’ve never seen those movies. Luckily one of our rooms was already ready, so we dropped our bags and then took the house car to brunch.
Bruch was at a restaurant called Harp and Crown. The place is very cool – it’s an older space that’s been transformed into a beautiful, elegant and refined restaurant – think: vintage luxury. On Sundays they offer an all you can eat buffet brunch for $35! It was a lavish spread and probably would’ve been $60+ if it was in New York. There were pastries, an omelet station, a bagel station with cream cheese, lox, etc., the crispiest fried potatoes ever, waffles (but not just basic buffet waffles – like really delicious waffles), tomato focaccia, cereal, yogurts, salads, mac and cheese and more. The best part was the donut station where you took a donut and did your own frosting and sprinkles. It was great and everyone enjoyed. The kids even managed to go an entire meal without an iPad.
Madeleine living her best life
After brunch we walked around Rittenhouse Square, did a little shopping, and stopped at a children’s store we’ve been to before. One thing we noticed is a lot more homeless people on the streets than our previous visits. Hallie also noticed, so that was a fun a thing to explain. I think her biggest concern was, ‘do all homeless people not have shoes?’, which to be fair, is a pretty big concern.
When we were done there we Ubered to the Franklin Institute. We took the kids to the Franklin Institute last time we were here in May 2021, but this time they had the Disney 100 exhibit, celebrating 100 years of Disney Magic. It was a walk through exhibit starting with the 1920’s all the way through today. It was cute. There were lots of props and costumes and different interactive parts where you could watch and listen to things. There was a screen that was playing We Don’t Talk About Bruno and you could select different audio tracks to hear the song in two dozen different languages. They even had Hebrew, which everyone enjoyed.
When we finished with the Disney exhibit we spent a few minutes walking through the giant heart exhibit, but everyone was finished after that. Hallie wanted to get Dippin’ Dots at the cafeteria, but they said the Dippin’ Dots cart was closed. Like, they literally could have just opened the cart. It was odd, but then they gave her a slushie for free.
When we got back to the hotel we found they had left a little Minions themed cupcake for the girls (all of the kids stuff here is Minions because the hotel is at the top of the Comcast Center (and Comcast owns Universal, the studio that made Minions)). They also left a cake for Tzvi because I told them it was his birthday. There are also mini robes and slippers that the girls love, and Minions kids toothbrushes and full size toothpaste!
Tzvi took Madeleine to the pool for a swim while I stayed in the room with Hallie, who wanted to take an extra-long bath. After a while they came back and we went to dinner.
Tonight we ate at the hotel restaurant J.G. Sky High, which is the lobby Jean Georges restaurant, not the main Jean Georges restaurant that charges $300 per person. Hallie decided to wear her Wednesday Adams outfit, right down to the black lipstick. Of course Madeleine followed, but luckily without the lipstick. Inbar wore hers as well. For appetizers we shared corn soup, corn-basil pot stickers, and chips and guac. For the main Inbar and I both had salmon and Tzvi had Fish and Chips. Hallie had pizza and Madeleine had plain pasta. Madeleine also got two sides of parmesan cheese that she gobbled up. For dessert we shared almond cake, hot chocolate cake, and a strawberry sundae. It was delicious. The kids were nuts (when they weren’t on their tablets), but it was a really nice dinner.
When we got back upstairs we found that they had written “Welcome to Philadelphia Hallie and Madeleine” on the window and left cloud pillows (because we are “above the clouds”), as well as really nice cases of colored pencils and coloring books. They are really doing it up for the kids, it’s so nice. Last time they had a little tee-pee that they set up in the room, but apparently they’ve stopped that because it was cultural appropriation, so now they just give you lots of nice stuff. Still, we’re so impressed.
We got the kids in bed and they eventually fell asleep. Inbar sat in our room watching Legally Blonde because she’d never seen it before, which I felt was unacceptable. [Tzvi: Yes, I’m sure she enjoyed it with the special Stephanie Reciting Every Word on Top of the TV Audio Track.]
Good day. Let’s see how the night goes.
Well, I slept decently until I was woken at 6:57 by sounds from the other room. Apparently the kids got up quite early, around 6, so that’s great. We stayed in bed for a while, and then got ready and went to J.G Sky High for breakfast. I was still full from last night but managed to have some avocado toast. Inbar got Eggs Benedict but without any meat or fish, so really just eggs and Hollandaise sauce on an English muffin, which seemed funny to me though who am I to judge being picky? The kids were jumping all over the booth, which is really just a continuation of the literal animals they have been since we left home. After breakfast we got our stuff and took an Uber to the Please Touch Museum.
The Museum is great. It’s not really a museum – it’s more of a massive play place that’s the size of a museum. There were a bunch of different play spaces. One was basically a full grocery store where the kids went around with a mini shopping cart and worked the check out counter. Madeleine had the best time just putting things in the cart and taking them out and “beeping” them. There was another huge space that was Alice in Wonderland themed, a baseball exhibit, and different arts and crafts areas. At the end the kids rode the carousel… three times.
When we were done, we Ubered to Goldie, the Michael Solomonov falafel shop. All along the drive Madeleine was complaining she was so hungry and wanted to eat. As soon as we got to the restaurant she literally got in her stroller, closed her eyes and fell asleep. Lunch was delicious. We had hummus and falafel platters, pita, and techina milkshakes. I think the best one was the salted caramel but Tzvi loved his coffee one. He also loved the plain one that we got to “share”, and yes, he did drink two whole milkshakes.
After lunch we walked to Reading Terminal Market, a famous Philly food market. Hallie was so tired she insisted on being in the stroller, so Tzvi carried Madeleine on his shoulders for about a mile. Hallie ended up falling asleep and missing the market entirely. We didn’t buy anything, but Madeleine bought some candy. [Tzvi: All I really wanted was a soft pretzel from the pretzel vendor the hotel recommended. We walked by and saw the pretzels, and *someone* said we should see the rest of the market and then circle back, but by the time we got back they had run out. That was sad.]
From there we walked back to the hotel, Madeleine once again insisting on riding on Tzvi’s shoulders. We walked through the Love Park, where Madeleine saw a fountain and said she wanted to go in it. We said we were going back to the hotel to swim in the pool, but she insisted she was going in the fountain. Even once we got back to the hotel she continued to insist she was going back to the park to the fountain. Eventually she acquiesced and we spent some time in the pool, before going back and changing for dinner.
We drove about twenty minutes to a neighborhood called Fishtown. I don’t really know, but it kind of felt like the Brooklyn on Philly. Dinner was at Pizzeria Beddia, which was a very nice restaurant that was kind of hidden down an alley. [Tzvi: The original Pizzeria Beddia was named by many as the best pizza in America back in 2015. At that time they were in a different smaller location and made only 40 pies a day. I guess that’s not a sustainable business model, so they closed and reopened as a real restaurant. They say it’s not as good (and not as highly regarded) as the original, but we still thought it was very good.] We ordered two cheese pies, a tomato pie, and a white pie with corn that Tzvi and Inbar shared. We also had a bunch of apps, which were great.
Nothing called to us for dessert so we left and walked around the corner to Jeni’s Ice Cream. I got a blackberry pie flavor and Tzvi got coffee and gooey butter cake. It was very good.
We drove back to the hotel and, after some work, got the kids to bed. The kids have been nuts. Maybe they’ll calm down when we get to Hershey… and feed them more candy?
Dark and Stormy: 48 Hours in Bermuda.
We had Thursday all planned out.
At 7pm we said goodbye to the kids. We would attend the One Israel Fund BBQ in Lawrence and then go back to my parents’ house to sleep. The kids would be sleeping when we got back, and would still be sleeping when the Uber came to pick us up Friday morning at 600AM to take us to the airport for our 7:30AM flight. We would land in Bermuda at 1030am and be on the beach by 1130am.
As they say, Man Plans, God Laughs. Or in our case….
We did say goodbye at 7PM. The BBQ was great and we didn’t get back to my parents’ house until around 10PM, at which point we found the kids were still very much awake, in bed, but bouncing off the walls. Actually getting the girls to go to sleep took at least an hour, and then of course Hallie came in at 3AM, because of course she did. We woke up at 5:30AM exhausted, but ready to slip out. That was when we received the email from Jet Blue that our flight had been delayed from 7:26 AM to 9:57 AM. For some reason both girls were up, and while we didn’t need to rush we also wanted to get out before we needed to do breakfast, so around 8:00AM we called an Uber, said goodbye (again) and headed to JFK.
For possibly the first time in our lives (definitely the first in our married lives) we’re not checking any bags. I know, shocking. Having already checked in and with boarding passes on our phones we went straight through security and were in the terminal with about an hour and a half until our scheduled departure time, which wouldn’t have been that bad except the delays just kept coming. We mobile ordered Starbucks and still waited 30 minutes for it. About 5 minutes after I got it, I spilled the entire coffee on the floor. It was a sad moment. We wanted to get hard boiled eggs at the Farmers Fridge machine but they were out, except then a man came and refilled the machine with eggs, and as soon as he walked away Tzvi tried to buy the eggs but the machine was broken and wouldn’t dispense the eggs. The hits just kept on coming.
Eventually we got an avocado toast at one of the airport cafes, which we ate while we waited to board. Tzvi was the very first person on the plane, which gave him a lot of joy. I think we finally took off at 11am. We had even more space seats so we’re in row 2. We observed the other passengers around us and wondered if any of them would be at our hotel. Behind us was a couple from Long Island – we knew because they kept saying it – who kept coughing, but not a sick cough, more of a vape cough. They were obnoxious and so crass. Everything was F this and F that. Charming.
The flight was fine. I watched Les Mis, because I felt les mis, and Tzvi made himself a gin and lime seltzer (because we get free alcohol with our Mosaic status). We landed around 2:30PM Bermuda time (Bermuda is an hour ahead of NY), a full 3 and a half hours after we were supposed to land and 30 minutes after our scheduled snorkeling cruise. Thanks Jet Blue.
We were among the first off the plane so there was no line at customs, and we didn’t have to wait for baggage claim, so we made it out quickly and hopped in a cab.
The ride to the hotel was about 10 minutes. Bermuda is beautiful and it felt so nice to be back. We haven’t been here since 2015 when I was pregnant with Hallie. It’s just such a clean island. This weekend is Cup Match weekend which is apparently a big deal in cricket where two Bermuda teams play each other in celebration of emancipation. We asked the taxi driver when emancipation was. He wasn’t too sure but thought it was 1909.
We pulled up to our hotel, the Rosewood Bermuda. Loyal readers will recall our previous stays at Rosewood Mayakoba and Rosewood Baha Mar. Before you say we only stay at Rosewood’s I’ll correct you – we also like the Four Seasons.
The hotel is beautiful and evokes classic Bermuda charm, which is to say it reminds me of British colonialism. The lobby was decorated for cup match with red and blue flags representing the two teams. At check in we saw at least four other couples from our flight, basically everyone who was sitting in the extra space seats. We checked in and went to our room, an ocean-view king room which turned out to be a corner room with a massive terrace overlooking the whole hotel and the ocean.
Tzvi made us move as fast as we could into beach attire so we could make the most of the time we had left in the day. We headed down and boarded the 5 minute shuttle to the beach. We’re not really sure what the deal is with the beach – it’s a beach club and it seems to be open to outside members, but it’s also part of the hotel. The chairs are ok, but the beach is of course beautiful. We ordered some lunch – I had a quinoa tofu salad and Tzvi had a fish sandwich with fries. We went in the water, slept on the lounge chairs and just relaxed. We left the beach around 6:15 and went back to the hotel to shower and change for dinner. We met some Peloton people (riders, not instructors) on the shuttle and discussed rides. We’re everywhere.
We sat out on the balcony a little bit. When we got to our room there was a cake waiting for us for Tzvi’s birthday (which is coming up in a few weeks…). It was actually delicious and perfect for Tzvi as I think it was a coffee mouse cake. From our balcony we can see the whole hotel, one of the pools and the harbor. Looking down at the pool we heard a familiar coughing and saw the Long Islanders from the plane. Oh good. They’re here too. Unsurprisingly they were vaping, working on that cough.
Shabbat started around 8 so we got some pictures before, and then went to our dinner at the Island Brasserie, the main restaurant at the hotel.
The restaurant was really nice, but we opted to sit outside and watch the sun set over the ocean. The setting is amazing – you’re basically in the middle of this lush forest and the sounds of the birds and who knows what else are in the trees are almost deafening, but also peaceful. We started with cocktails, which were just okay (because we are cocktail snobs now), and then a bread basket which was pretty good. For appetizers Tzvi had a goat cheese crème brulé, which was exactly what it sounds like – a pad of goat cheese that was bruléed, and served with beets and tempura fried asparagus. I had beetroot carpaccio, which was thinly sliced beets with tofu, asparagus and dried tomatoes. We both enjoyed. For mains we shared a salmon curry and a tuna steak with pineapple salsa. Both were really good, but the curry was especially delicious and something we don’t usually eat. Before dessert a cockroach flew onto the umbrella that was above it (yes, apparently cockroaches can fly), so that was pretty disgusting. Our server killed it. It was a nice way to begin dessert. For dessert we shared a warm chocolate cake and a “bread pudding,” which was good, but was no Raglan Road. Actually, the best thing was the vanilla ice cream that came with the cake, which was amazingly creamy.
After dinner we walked around and ended up at the Conservatory (the lobby bar) for after dinner drinks. Tzvi got straight rum and I got a Kahlua, Baileys and cream. It was delicious. Tzvi enjoyed his rum, which was aged in bourbon barrels that were put in a boat to sail out to the Bermuda triangle and back, so the rum can swoosh around in the barrels and also take on the saltiness from the sea air, but really it’s so that they can charge $20 more for the bottle and say it’s been to the Bermuda triangle. The bartender was named Izzy. She was great, and told us she’s been there for two years and that there’s one bartending school on the island, but Rosewood actually trained her. We also asked her when emancipation was. She wasn’t too sure but thought it was in the ’40s. Well that’s definitely not right.
While sitting at the bar we observed the other hotel guests. It seems like almost everyone here is from New York or Connecticut. We ended up chatting with the man sitting next to us. He was kind of like Norm from Cheers; he was clearly a regular and was in his usual seat at the bar. Turns out he’s in reinsurance (a huge industry in Bermuda) and said he has a timeshare in the hotel and comes twelve times a year. We actually had a very nice chat with him, talking about everything from the Jets (he said we need to start getting fitted for our Super Bowl rings) to politics. I feel like we rarely meet people from NYC who aren’t super liberal, so it was an interesting conversation.
On the other side of the bar were the obnoxious Long Islanders. They seemed to be telling everyone they met, “We’re from Long Island.” I honestly can’t tell you how many times I heard that. At one point he started yelling across the bar to the guy were walking to. “The Jets f**kin’ suck. I paid a hundred-fifty grand for the seat license, f**kin season tickets and they f**kin suck.” Note to these people: Please stop telling people you’re from Long Island; you’re giving us all a bad name.
We stayed until closing time, and then headed back to our room and went to bed. These beds are so comfortable, definitely one of the most comfortable I’ve been in at a hotel.
Shabbat morning we got up and headed to breakfast around 9:30. It was again at the Island Brasseries, but this time we sat indoors. As we observed people coming in I learned that clearly I had missed some sort of memo because every woman was wearing some sort of Lily Pulitzer item. It was pretty amazing to see. Shorts, Dresses, Bathing Suits, Hats, bags. I mean it was like Lily Pulitzer vomited on the Rosewood. We also happened to see CNN’s Sanjay Gupta walk in with his family. Celebrity sighting!
After breakfast we parked ourselves by the pool and enjoyed three hours of sun, or rather the last three hours of sun we would see for the rest of our vacation. It got cloudy around 1:30 and the pool guys came around to tell everyone there was a lightning storm coming and everyone had to get out of the pool.
We went in for Lunch/afternoon tea at the Conservatory. Our friend from last night was there again in his same seat. As we sat down we looked out the window and saw what looked like a hurricane; constant thunder and lightning and crazy wind and rain. The Conservatory got crowded as I guess everyone had the same idea. We had a bit of a wait so we took a chessboard that was sitting on a table and played a game of chess. I lost, but that was fair given it was my first time ever playing chess. I got a veggie burger and Tzvi had the afternoon tea. He had little cones with tuna tartare, beets and goat cheese (they love their goat cheese here) and mozzarella and tomatoes, and little tea sandwiches with egg salad, salmon and cucumbers. He also got a box with little pastries and scones and clotted cream.
The rest of the day was spent observing the rain. We actually went back to the pool and laid under the umbrellas, while it was lightly raining. Then came the second round of lighting so we decided to move inside again. We took up seats again in the Conservatory, ordered a gin and tonic and sat reading for a while. I finished the new Daniel Silva book I had started that morning. Pretty good. Our reinsurance friend was still at the bar, talking to more people. He told us it never storms like this in August, or in Bermuda in general, so we just got lucky. Around 6:00 a guy named Mike started playing music. He complimented Tzvi’s shirt. He played a ukulele and was pretty good.
Eventually we went back to the room and got ready for dinner. Tonight’s dinner was at Sul Verde, the Italian restaurant at the hotel, except, of course you have to take a shuttle because it’s over at the golf club. We couldn’t push the reservation to after Shabbos so we had to walk. It wasn’t terrible, maybe 15 minutes, but shuttles kept stopping us asking us if we were okay, because apparently no one walks to dinner. At least we made it.
As we were walking in, a couple got off a shuttle and slid in ahead. We heard them tell the host that they had a reservation at 8:30 and they wanted to know if they could come in early. The host said of course and showed them to their table, of course the perfect corner booth table that we wanted and would have gotten if they would have stuck to their own reservation time. Also, she was pregnant and enjoying a large glass of wine. Am I judging? Of course. Next time don’t steal my table.
After moving past the table robbery, we enjoyed a great dinner. We had cocktails and shared a Caesar salad and a pizza. Then we shared salmon with ratatouille and pasta with arugula pesto and roasted eggplant. (Shabbos ended as the mains came, so the pictures pick up here.).
On our way out we saw the crass Long Islanders sitting at the bar eating their meal. The bar was entirely empty except for them. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just sit at a table for dinner and rather opt to sit in an empty bar, but what do I know. We took a shuttle back and went back to our favorite spot, the Conservatory, for after dinner drinks and dessert. Our reinsurance friend was gone by now – he had to get to London – but Mike Hind was still playing music on his ukulele so we got to enjoy that. As we walked in he looked at Tzvi and said, “another great shirt!”
We took seats on a sofa and ordered desserts. We had a crème brule and a “Chocolate Tower” which we’d seen on every menu all weekend but hadn’t had because our waiter last night told us it wasn’t very popular. It was okay.
The ukulele player was great and was very good at interacting with the audience. Across from us was a group of English people, and who walked in and took seats at the bar but the couple from Long Island. They appeared to be pretty drunk already. At one point the guy went over to one of the British guys and said, “I know this guy! You’re from Brooklyn?”
The musician finished and the drunk Long Islanders sat down near us to talk to the British people. The guy was sitting to my left and the woman to Tzvi’s right. And then the guy turned to me and said, “where are you from?”
“Long Island,” I told him.
“F**k you! We’re from Long Island.”
I said, “I know.”
We weren’t big party animals in college, but we did go to a few parties and we dealt with our fair share of drunk people. In my life, I have never interacted with people as drunk as these two people from Long Island. The guy moved over and sat next to me, and I can’t really tell you everything he said because he was so drunk and slurring his words so badly that I couldn’t understand it all. When I told him I was from Lawrence he said I was “OG” and kept slurring, “Mudda Kellys, Mudda Kellys.”
“You know Chris Stefan? Chris Stefan’s dead. But you know Chris Stefan? My dad gave the eulogy at his funeral.”
When we asked what he did he said, “I’m an entrepreneur,” except he wasn’t really speaking with vowels so it came out more like “I’m an entrprnr.” Then he said his father was in Murder Incorporated and basically that he’s in the mob.
On the other side, Tzvi had a conversation with the woman. Then five minutes later he had the same exact conversation with her. First she said she’s a partner in a law firm and a divorce attorney. Then she found out Tzvi’s a lawyer and asked if he wanted to come work with her. He told her he does corporate law and he’s not looking to move, but she said, “I should give you my card. Maybe we can do business together.” Five minutes later she asked him what he did for a living.
At one point the guy very rudely snapped his fingers and got the bartender to come over and asked for four shots of clase azul, which is very expensive tequila. Thanks, I guess?
Finally they told us it was last call. We said goodnight to the bartender and expressed our apologies for her having to deal with people like this.
We walked around a few more minutes and checked out the DJ that was playing at the pool.
Then we went to our room, which is where I realized I had left my bag at the Conservatory. Tzvi went to get it, and on his way back he saw the Long Island man standing outside his room, banging on the door to be let in. Through the door she was yelling, “you’re scaring me!” Back in our room, Tzvi went out on the balcony, where he was able to hear them yelling. I have no idea what possibly could’ve happened in the ten minutes between leaving the bar and going back to our room, but from our balcony we heard them having the kind of fight, which I have never in my life heard two people have, but which they must do on a weekly basis.
“Get out of my room, you fat f**k!” she said over and over again.
He laughed and yelled something back but we couldn’t make it out. The curtains were half drawn so we couldn’t really see what was happening, but at one point we saw her kick him off the bed. He hit the ground with a loud thud. Then he yelled. Then we heard two loud bangs. Based on the noise I’m pretty sure he pounded the table, and not her, but then she started crying and he started laughing and making fun of her crying.
This went on for a while. I’m pretty shocked no one called the front desk to complain sooner, but given what he told us about this “connections” it wasn’t going to be us. We did see their neighbors open their balcony door to see what was up. After a while he went out on the balcony, and then we heard her make a phone call… to her parents… in New York. And these are grown adults, in their forties.
“Mom, dad, tell him to get out of my room. Dad, he needs to get out of my room. He’s getting physical with me, I want him out. Tell him.”
“I’m on the balcony. I’m not doin nuthin. She punched me in the face. I’m not doin nuthin.”
This went back and forth for a while. I think she locked him out on the balcony and then he actually broke the doors open. After that security seemed to show up because we could hear her explaining what was happening to another person, who he kept cursing at.
I don’t know how it ended. It was too late and we needed to go to sleep.
What a night.
We got up Sunday morning around 8:30 and opened the shades to find another cloudy and rainy day! I wanted to explore Hamilton, but it was not great weather and it would have cost 50 dollars each way to get there, only to be there for an hour and a half, so I was outvoted and we stayed at the hotel.
We had breakfast at the Island Brasserie again – I had scrambled eggs, Tzvi had poached eggs with a cod cake (apparently a classic Bermuda dish) and we shared French toast – and then hung out by the pool. It was cloudy, but still warm. It rained a little, and then just as we were about to leave the sun came out. We did see Mr. Long Island walk by, so I guess he wasn’t thrown out of the hotel.
The flight was delayed but only by 20 minutes or so. At 12:45 we took a cab to the airport. Aside from the slow security line, the airport was fine and the flight was fine. It's just that air travel has become such a horrible and dehumanizing experience. You wait in one line to wait in another line, to crowd around the gate, and everyone who works for the airline or the TSA or the airport is so miserable. We overheard one man say that “this is why we really should be flying private.” I don’t disagree.
We landed at LaGuardia, remembered why we don’t go to LaGuardia, and made our way home. It was nice to be away for the weekend and I have no complaints about it, but in the end it was less than 48 hours in Bermuda.
Next time I need another day.
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, emancipation was in 1834.
Israel 2023. Chapter 6: The Orient Rooms 317 and 319.
Where did we leave off? We had just settled into our new room.
I walked madeleine until she fell asleep and Inbar took Hallie to the pool. Tzvi sat and did work and then I went with Rachel and my mom to do a little shopping. We went to some random store and then we went to Mamila where I did some shopping at Strativarius, which is one of my favorite stores and I don’t think it’s in America.
Then we went to dinner. Not that any of us were hungry. Dinner was at Hamotzi, which is the perfect name for a post-Pesach dinner. The food was North African and apparently the chef is a well-known Israeli chef who was on MasterChef (or some similar Israeli show). Everything was delicious. We started with pita and salatim, maakoud (fried leek and potato fritters), felafel and humus, fried cauliflower, roasted eggplant and chicken pastille. For the main we shared a bunch of dishes that were all really interesting and unique – boulettes (Algerian meatballs with rice), lamb tffiya araias (pita stuffed with lamb), entrecote moufleta (a sandwich stuffed with steak, honey and almonds), and the best dish of the night, “shachama and bsala” (asado crumbled with challah, tehina and salted caramel. Dessert was the weakest part – we shared some chocolate cigar thing, semolina cake and honey cookies.
Austin and Rachel had to run out of dinner because they were headed to the airport. Tzvi and Inbar took the girls back to the hotel, while my dad and I went to get the car from Mamila. We took the light rail but I couldn’t get a ticket for myself because my dad’s rav kav would only pay for one ticket, so I was riding without paying. A ticket man got on and started walking through checking tickets, except he stopped right before he got to me. Lucky. Then we found the car in the parking lot but couldn’t figure out how to put the ticket in the machine to get out of the parking lot, but eventually we figured it out. Rough night for me and tickets.
It took a while to get the kids to bed. When they did, I went to the gym, and then that was it. It was a nice day. With only two days left, things are finally going well!
Spoke too soon.
At about 1am, all of a sudden we heard Madeleine crying. We ran into her room and found her sitting up and vomiting in bed. We almost made it two weeks without any sickness, but I guess this was bound to happen. She clearly had a fever, so we gave her Motrin and brought her into our bed. Tzvi enjoyed the cuddles, but that man can sleep on a stoop. I, cannot. Not a great sleep.
Madeleine woke up Friday morning ok, so we gave her Tylenol and headed down to breakfast. At breakfast she mentioned her ear was bothering her, so once we heard that it was straight to Terem (urgent care)! I took Inbar with me to have a native speaker (though after that winery incident, I question Inbar’s fluency). We checked in and the man told me it was going to cost 480 shekel, to which I said okay. We waited a few minutes before the nurse took us in to take vitals etc. Madeleine was actually in a good mood and was super cute. We then went to see the doctor who was an older Arab man. I will say the rooms were not the cleanest. You know the paper they have on exam tables? Well, that wasn’t clean, and they looked at me weird for asking to change it before having Madeleine sit on it. Anyway, he said her ears may be a bit red, and said we can get antibiotic drops, but didn’t truly think it was infected. We went to Superpharm next door and got the drops anyway.
I called Tzvi to see where they were and he told me they had just purchased dried fruit for 508 shekalim. That’s 28 shekalim more than the doctor visit.
We left to meet Tzvi and Hallie at the Shuk, and started our quest for lunch. Tzvi was all upset because he wanted a burger from Crave but I didn’t want meat (because its Friday afternoon and also I wanted an Ice Café), so he was upset that I wouldn’t eat. It was all very annoying. Finally he agreed to sit down at Crave. Inbar and Tzvi got burgers, Hallie got chicken nuggets, and we shared fries. Madeleine slept in the stroller. Mid meal, Hadas, the Sheirut Leumi girl pre COVID came to visit! It was nice to see her. She’s getting married like, today. Or tomorrow.
Madeleine woke up in a terrible mood and clearly with fever, but she wanted a few gummies so I gave her some. We walked down to Café Ne’eman where we picked up.a Babka, some pastries, and coffee that was delicious. We said bye to Hadas and got in a cab to my parents. Midway through the ride Madeleine starts crying and that’s when I knew. I quickly got a plastic bag out and she vomited into it. She was pretty stealth about it but the driver knew and missed a turn so it ended up taking like ten minutes longer than it should have. Magically no one was dirty.
We stayed at my parents a bit. Madeleine fell asleep and Tzvi and Hallie and Inbar went back to the hotel. Tzvi took Hallie to the tachana across the street and they rode the carousel and ferris wheel.
When Madeleine woke up she wanted a strawberry and some water, so she ate one. At that point we called Dr. Schlussleberg who told us there was a virus going around (yes, in Israel) and keep her hydrated. Well, a few minutes after that I was holding her, she started crying, and vomited everywhere. She started to my left, then to my right, and then right in my face and in my mouth. I don’t even know how I handled it, I really don’t. I just kind of stood there while my mom was laughing. I will say I am super thankful that it was really a candy-based vomit. Too much?
At that point we were all covered in vomit so I bathed Madeleine in my parents’ bathroom and put her in a shirt from my mom. I had my dad drive us back to the hotel and I immediately went into the shower. We gave madeleine Motrin and prepared for shabbat.
Shabbat dinner was at my parents. Inbar brought her best friend Lee, and my mom invited their apartment designer. It was a very nice, long, meal. Babka was amazing. Wine was awful. (The night we arrived at the Residence Tzvi stopped at a little market and bought a bottle of wine because he figured he’d need it to get through a few nights there. The wine was so cheap, I think the roll of paper towel we bought cost more than the bottle. Anyway, we left the Residence before we could drink it, but let’s just say the wine would’ve been on par with the accommodations.) Thankfully Madeleine was doing so much better. We walked home and had an uneventful sleep. It must have been like a 36-hour bug or something because the next morning we gave her Tylenol and she was totally fine from then on. Our last breakfast was great. We walked to the park in the morning and for lunch my parents met us at the orient. The lunch was delicious, and we were happy we were able to have one fancy meal at the orient. We did some packing in the afternoon, Hallie played with her friend, and we sat by the pool a little. It wasn’t nice enough to swim, but it was nice to sit out.
Shabbat ended around 8ish and Inbar took the girls for one last ride on the carousel across the street before we left to the airport at 9:15.
It was the same driver as last year, but luckily Hallie didn’t have to sit in the front row like last year. The airport was crowded, but not worse than we expected. At one point a woman took us off the line to check in so that was nice. Checking the car seat took an extra 15 minutes which was ridiculous. Once through, we had to have our midnight aroma. The line was super long but it was worth it. We got on the plane and were seated behind Matt Weider! We went to college with him. He’s a retina specialist now.
Overall the flight was nice, lots of crying babies, but at least the kids slept. I did not.
The End.
Israel 2023. Chapter 5: The Orient, Rooms 715 and 725.
[Correction: A couple of days ago we discussed Natan, the man who carved the meats. We neglected to specify it was Tzvi who was writing that paragraph, and Tzvi’s mother who was almost engaged to an Israeli paratrooper named Natan (not my mother).]
We were supposed to be at the Residence until Thursday, at which point we were scheduled to move to the Orient for the last two nights of the trip, because we wanted to end the vacation at a nice hotel. I called our travel agent and was like, “I have an emergency, I need to go to the Orient. What can you do for me?” He said, “let me call the manager at the Orient and get back to you.” We knew they had something available (because we saw availability on their website), but we needed to have rooms that were at least close together. He texted me back and said, “I spoke to the manager, I’m not sure, let me go over there.” Then I hopped in a cab and met him there while Tzvi stayed behind to move all of the luggage to the lobby. By the time I got to the Orient, he had already spoken to everyone and had secured two rooms just down the hall from each other. It wasn’t ideal, but we passed ideal a long, long time ago. Then I ran back to the Residence and helped Tzvi load all of our luggage into two cabs.
And that was it. The nightmare was over. We checked in and managed to get the girls totally unpacked before they even got to the hotel. They have a standard room with a view of the old city. We have a corner room with a balcony on two sides.
While we were unpacking, the rest of the family was having some issue with dinner. Apparently the food never came and then they got free desserts, but Hallie couldn’t eat the desserts. So finally they left dinner and met us at the Orient, where Tzvi took Hallie directly to the lobby restaurant for a nice sorbet.
Everyone was just so happy after being so miserable. The girls were so happy to be in the hotel. Even my father was happy that we were finally happy. We put the girls to bed. A nice, cozy, plush, luxury hotel bed.
Tzvi and I still hadn’t eaten dinner so we went to OrientTop, the rooftop restaurant of the hotel. It was a great meal. We both got cocktails, which were actually very good, especially for Pesach. We shared a nut crunch appetizer that was like these nut crackers with dips, and then we shared a breaded veal chop and a beef asado with cabbage. The veal chop was so crunchy and salty, and the asado was soft and the meat just melted in your mouth. Both were delicious. For dessert we shared a chocolate hazelnut mouse. It was a rare occasion when we ordered only a single dessert. It was just so nice and we felt so much more relaxed, like a huge weight had been lifted. We were in this beautiful place having this delicious meal. Everything just felt right.
We slept well, but I was woken up around 7 by some bang. I never found out what it was. Tzvi’s alarm went off around 8:30, the girls came in around 8:45 and eventually we made it to breakfast. It felt like home. It was a beautiful breakfast, just as we remembered it. There was also Matzah Brei, which looked like a tuna patty, and didn’t taste far off from one. Unfortunately Inbar realized that she didn’t have her jewelry box, so she had to look for that. Tzvi and Inbar went back to the Residence to look for the jewelry box but never found it. Was it stolen by the people who came to “fix” the bed and windows and smoked in her room? I guess we’ll never know.
We took the girls to my parents apartment to drop off some stuff, and then made our way to the Old City. In the first cab we took the driver told us not to go to the Old City, and said “you are like my children and grandchildren and I want you to be safe.” The second cab took us straight to the Kotel without a problem, which was great. The weather was pretty gross, misty and cold. Hallie put a note in the Kotel. Madeleine didn’t want to touch the Kotel.
We walked up all the stairs and around the Old City, the whole time with Tzvi carrying the stroller. Then we visited Udi at the Blue and White Gallery in the Cardo. Tzvi was adamant about not buying any art this trip. Well, we didn’t buy anything, but somehow we commissioned him to paint something for our dinning room. He said he’ll prepare a sample and send it to us before doing a big painting. Let’s see how that goes. Tzvi’s only requirement was no kotels, because we already 5 Kotel paintings in our house.
After that we walked through Mamilla and had a nice lunch at Roladin (another tuna salad for me). It was amazing, there was a huge line at Café Rimon (which is non-kitniyot), but at Roladin (which is kitniyot) we got a table right away! From there we bought new pajamas at Petit Bateau, got ice cream at Golda and then went back to the hotel.
Tzvi took the girls to the pool, I went to the gym, and then we got ready for the final day of yuntiv.
Yuntiv started and we walked to my parents’ apartment. It’s not a bad walk, maybe 15 minutes. My parents made a lovely yuntiv meal. We had dips, chicken soup, and other foods. It was like their regular meals, just in Israel! Tzvi also had bought a bottle of wine at a wine store around the corner. As we were drinking it, Tzvi noticed that the bottle said “Bottled on 3/23/23.” Not that wine is something that’s better when fresher, but it’s just amazing how quickly you can get fresh food in this country – it was probably bottled two weeks ago and driven to the Jerusalem wine store in the back of some guy’s Skoda. Anyway, the kids were exhausted and going nuts. On the walk home we had Hallie sit in the stroller and Madeleine on her lap. Thankfully it’s all downhill. Inbar went back to Rishon for the night, so Tzvi slept with the girls and I slept alone. I am so grateful for him having done that. He’s the best. I love him a lot. There’s no one like him. I worship him. I write these blogs myself and Tzvi doesn’t edit anything.
At like midnight I heard teenage boys running around, so I came out of my room to tell them to shut up, but before I could another young woman came out and yelled at them. This morning we got up and had another breakfast. I couldn’t get tea and there is no decaf coffee. Dumb holiday. Thankfully it’s almost over (but not in America!).
After breakfast we lounged a little more. We tried to get the girls to just sit and play in their rooms so we could relax and read in our room, but that didn’t work and they kept knocking on our door every 5 minutes.
We had to be at my parents around 1pm for lunch. As soon as we decided to start walking it started to pour. I don’t think I’ve ever seen lightning and thunder in Jerusalem until today. We waited about 45 minutes in the lobby and finally it got light enough that we decided to just go. It wasn’t easy, but we made it. We had a very nice lunch and hung around there all afternoon.
We walked back to the hotel around 6. Inbar was already back from her family. Hallie went to find a friend that she had met in the pool yesterday, who is from Lawrence and goes to Beth Sholom. The girl is 9 and in 4th grade, but they still played really nicely together.
Yuntiv ended and we had to figure out what to eat! We tried room service, but the meat kitchen was closed and they told us that they had very little food because they were turning over to chametz. It’s interesting that they don’t even give guests the option of an 8th day here because you’d think there were Americans that may keep another day. Guess not. We ordered the girls some Pesach room service. We got Madeleine the Pesach pizza (which was the only thing on the menu she said she’d eat and of course didn’t touch) and Hallie had a grilled fish (which looked gross but she actually ate). Inbar had the right idea and went out across the street to the Tachana Rishona and brought back two pies of pizza and a focaccia bread! It was delicious. Thank God this holiday is over.
We woke up around 730. The kids woke up around 8. We headed to breakfast and it was all chametz, which was so exciting. There was bread, croissants, pizzas, bobka, apple strudel. Glorious day. Problem was, it was pouring rain. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jerusalem like this. Like lightening, thunder and torrential rain. Also, we had to pack (again) and switch rooms (again) because we had to move to our connecting rooms. We left the hotel and were told they would be moving our stuff while we were out. At least we didn’t need to move the bags ourselves this time.
The plan was to meet my mom and Rachel at an Emanuel store (Emanuel is an Israeli artist that makes Judaica that’s sold all over Israel). It was such a mess because we had to get a cab in the rain and then the cab couldn’t find the store because it was basically a warehouse at the end of some alley in the middle of nowhere. It was actually a lovely store and I think Emanuel’s office was in the back (he wasn’t there) and things were slightly discounted. We got some nice stuff.
It was still pouring when we left, but eventually we found a cab and went to Cinema City to have lunch at Waffle Factory with my parents and Rachel and Austin. We had a very, very long lunch. The waffles are great, but they no longer serve tuna and the service was just so slow. We ordered waffles and it was like they made and brought each waffle one at a time. Also Austin asked for a birthday candle for Rachel and they put it on Hallie’s waffle. We didn’t make it out until after 2.
We went back to the hotel where we checked into our new rooms. We’re now on the 3rd floor. It’s kind of the same, but different. Our room is bigger than the one we had before, but without the good view and wraparound terrace. The kids seem to be in a handicapped accessible room, which doesn’t really mean anything except that their toilet is a little bigger.
Tzvi wasn’t very happy about moving rooms. I think it was more about not wanting to pack and unpack again than anything else, although the corner room was nice. I think Inbar was a lot more comfortable having the connecting rooms though, just in case anything happens in the middle of the night and the kids need us. But nothing was going to happen during the night… right?
Israel 2023. Chapter 4: Undisclosed Jerusalem "Hotel", Room 330.
We finally pulled up to our next accommodation. I won’t name it – you’ll soon see why.
I can tell you it’s an apartment style “hotel” accommodation in the Baka neighborhood of Jerusalem. We booked it because it was around the corner from my parent’s apartment, where they would be staying with Austin, Rachel and Kira. Of course, Tzvi was against this from the beginning and wanted to stay at the Orient, but he ultimately agreed once he saw how much the Orient would have been for the week. What really swayed him was that three weeks ago when my parents got to Israel, we asked them to check out this place to see if it was suitable. They said it was very nice and even said they thought we would really enjoy it. Tzvi asked if it was disgusting and they said not at all. Ultimately, we said it wouldn’t be a luxury hotel, but it would be fine. Well, it wasn’t fine.
We arrived around 5:30, and apparently the main guy leaves at 5pm, so we got our key from a 90-year-old man in the office. I really don’t know if he works there or what his connection is. We had the “penthouse” apartment in Building C. It took us a while to get all of our stuff from the lobby to the room because the elevator fits 2 people max, or 1 if you have a suitcase. We ended up just sending the elevator down so Tzvi could send the bags up, but as he was loading the 90-year-old man came out and said, “not too much.”
I don’t even know where to start. I think we are just overwhelmed. We got everything upstairs, and just couldn’t do anything because we were so overwhelmed by the fact that we had to stay there.
The room is two bedrooms and two bathrooms, a living room (with a sofa bed open for the girls), a kitchen, and actually a beautiful terrace with a nice view.
As we sat trying to figure out how we were going to stay there, we began to take in the problems.
The sofa bed the kids were supposed to sleep on was kind of broken; one side tilted downward.
They were supposed to give us all new pots and pans in the kitchen, but they didn’t – they were used and gross. My mom ended up buying us paper goods and a pot.
The fridge wasn’t cold, but we were able to turn that down.
The girls’ bathroom didn’t lock, but the bigger issue was that the showerhead was broken and water only came out of one side. It also sprayed out of the top.
It kind of smelled like smoke.
We killed a bug.
And none of that was even the biggest issue. The living room windows have mechanical shades that are inside the window and controlled by a button on the wall. Even closed, these are not blackout shades. Unfortunately, one of them didn’t even close. We asked the 90-year-old man to come fix them, which he couldn’t, so he brought a tablecloth and hung it over the door outside. I kid you not.
Inbar says this is worse than the army. If she doesn’t stay with us another year, she will tell us it is because we took her to her home country and tortured her. I think if you were a teenager and came here on a school trip you’d say (maybe) this was okay. Luckily the girls were pretty unphased. Hallie enjoyed the space, and Madeleine was super cute unpacking all of her snacks and putting them away on the shelves in the kitchen.
In fairness to the “hotel” it was at least clean, it just wasn’t very nice or well preserved. There just wasn’t a single spot that wasn’t cracked, or stained, or torn.
We were pretty paralyzed, but eventually we got it together, got dressed and got out for dinner.
We had a 6pm reservation at Mitzle, which is a street food restaurant by well-known Israeli chef Avi Levy. They sent us an email confirmation earlier in the day and we clicked to confirm that we’d be there. As the day went on we realized we wouldn’t be on time so we tried to call, but there was no answer. We finally make it out of the “hotel” and got there around 7:30. Well, you might have thought that after everything we had been through in this nightmarish day that we might get one tiny spark of luck and one tiny bit of happiness – a nice, relaxing, tasty meal at a great restaurant. Obviously that was asking for too much. We walked up to find the restaurant was closed. Like totally closed for Pesach. So why did we get a confirmation email?
We started walking down Yaffo looking for food, but there was nothing. A lot of the restaurants that are usually open Pesach ended up closing this year because there were so few weekdays of chol hamoed, so it just wasn’t worth it to open. We finally made it to Ben Yehuda, where our only options were to wait on the ridiculously long line for shawarma, or McDonalds.
I don’t think I’ve ever actually eaten at McDonalds on Ben Yehuda, but it only seemed fitting that a crappy day should end with a crappy meal. You had to order from a screen, but of course only 3/6 screens were working. Also, it was hot and there was no air. Thankfully we found a table outside, where Tzvi sat with the girls waiting for our food… for 40 minutes. The place was crazy busy and I think there were like three teenagers working at the slowest pace possible. All I’ll say about the food is that the fries were okay.
We got back to the “hotel” and tried to get the kids ready for bed. Madeleine was scared of the shower. Tzvi was scared of the bed. Who knows how everyone is going to sleep. We went to sleep telling ourselves that tomorrow will be another day.
Not too long later Hallie woke us up at 630am, probably because the light in the living room woke her up. We got up slowly. I made a little outdoor breakfast. I thought it was very nice. A breakfast with a view of Jerusalem. Then a bird came and stole a piece of matzah.
We were supposed to leave for the day at 1030. Guess who wasn’t ready at 1030? My mother didn’t show up until 11 o’clock, and we were so annoyed because all we wanted was a cup of coffee but there was nothing right around our “hotel” and we didn’t want to walk too far because we didn’t want to be late for them. I continuously ask myself why I stress out to be on time, when time and time again I am let down. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me 300 times, well you know how it goes.
We got on the bus and headed to Rishon Letzion, which is Inbar’s home town. Our driver today was Igor, but a different Igor from our trip up North. The drive took about an hour and our first stop was the Yaakov Agam Museum. We were supposed to do a family tour at 12pm, but we were late, but also it was in Hebrew, so I don’t know how that was supposed to work anyway. Once we got in we saw the main exhibit, which is basically one big room with a lot of Agam works. My dad asked, “Where is the rest of the museum?” We walked around listening to an audio tour that you could download on an app, while the kids stood playing on some screen you could poke. Finally there was a kids activity downstairs where you drew and colored. It was cute.
After that we got back in the cab and headed to the mall for lunch. Rachel and Austin had spilled Kira’s formula so unfortunately they had to go back to Jerusalem, so it was sad not to have them with us the rest of the day. At the mall we had a nice lunch at Café Café, and then walked around and shopped a little. We got the girls some stuff from a nice store called Delta, which had a ton of Disney and LOL and Barbie stuff. Also, Tzvi bought Israeli underwear there. After that we tried to call the driver to pick us up, but my mother couldn’t find the phone number. Finally she found it and called Igor, but it was the wrong Igor. Eventually we got the right Igor and we were on our way.
We drove to Inbar’s father’s apartment, where she’s lived since she was a teenager. We met her father again and his girlfriend and saw Inbar’s room. It was very nice. Then we drove back to Jerusalem.
Tzvi had spent most of the day quietly sulking, until lunch time when he basically exploded. I think my father asked him if everything was okay and he just couldn’t contain himself and went off on everything wrong with the “hotel.” So my mother called the “hotel” and spoke to someone who said, “don’t worry, everything will be fixed.” We got back around 5pm eager to see what they had done. Our thought was, it couldn’t be any worse, and maybe it would be better.
It wasn’t better. In the morning the man had said he couldn’t actually fix the blinds, but that he was going to “make it better.” Well, “making it better” was hanging a second tablecloth outside, which had half blown away by the time we got back. Also, they had closed the broken sofa bed and instead had made up the other sofa as a single bed, and Inbar’s room now smelled like smoke. Like awful. We opened the window but it didn’t help. So we went from being able to sleep 5 to being able to sleep 3.
Oh, and the kitchen counter was covered in ants.
That was basically the final straw. We called the man from the “hotel” – there was no one in the office but we managed to get the main guy and the 90 year old man on the phone – and asked if they had another room. They said they’d check and get back to us. Meanwhile, we started packing. Finally they called back and the 90 year old man said, “If we give you another room, then we will be finished with you?” I think he went to the Setai school of hotel management.
The girls and Inbar went with my parents and Austin and Rachel to get dinner on Emek while we went to see the other available room. It was slightly nicer, but the lights were flickering and the bathroom was missing a shower head. Nope. We were done.
Time to go.
Israel 2023. Chapter 3: The Setai Sea of Galilee, Rooms 415 and 416. Part 2.
Ultimately Tzvi won and we all went to dinner. I think my father gave in because he felt bad that Tzvi was still upset about the rooms and thought this might shut him up.
They set up this whole barbeque next to the pool, and once again, Tomahawk steaks! They weren’t giving out whole Tomahawks (they were slicing them tonight), although you could take a full bone-in rib eye. There were also filets, sausages, burgers… it was a meat fest. There was also a giant cauldron of meat soup that was delicious. And then there was everything else and dessert. It was just a lot of food, very good food, and really beautiful. I think this was one of the best buffets we’ve had in Israel.
I should say that for all of the issues here, the people working the buffet were very good. Our favorite was Natan, the man who carved the meats. About 40 years ago my mother was almost engaged to an Israeli paratrooper named Natan. Judging by approximate age, I think it’s just possible it was the same Natan.
After dinner we came back to the room. Hallie was so tired and had a melt down before bed.
Everyone slept well. We got up and went to breakfast, and then the cab came around 10 and drove us about 40 minutes north to the Dalton Winery. The whole area is the Dalton Industrial Park and it’s basically a ton of boutique wineries close together. Dalton is the biggest winery there, and Tzvi says he thinks they’re basically no longer a boutique winery because they’ve grown so large, but they still want to advertise themselves as boutique. We did a wine and cheese tasting. There were a lot of people outside but we were the only ones inside which was good because the girls ran around like crazy. They brought us a big platter of cheese and dips and pesach bread, and we tried four different wines. It was very nice. Everyone liked the sauvignon blanc and the rosè, but only Tzvi liked the two reds (a shiraz and a red blend). The woman spoke English fine, but she had a heavy accent and she kept saying ‘this is from our reserve series,’ except because of her accent it just sounded like the was saying it was from Syria.
We were supposed to be at lunch by 1230 but were already late, so everyone left and Tzvi and I stayed behind to shop. We ended up buying a couple of bottles, and then Tzvi saw one bottle that he’d never seen before. They said it’s a special grape they just discovered in the hills of the Galilee that hasn’t been cultivated for thousands of years, and they made a very limited run of this wine and aged it in clay pots instead of barrels. She said it tastes like the forest and gave us some to try, and sure enough it tasted like the forest. I like when I can clearly discern the taste of wine, no matter what it tastes like. Anyway, we bought a bottle.
Then we headed to the next winery, the Adir Winery, where we had lunch reservations. It was strange, because they had told us we needed to be there by 1230 and couldn’t be late, but then they didn’t seat us for 20 minutes. They told us we could wait by the bar and try wines. We didn’t actually do a tasting but they gave us plenty of wine to try for free, so that was nice. Tzvi was pretty buzzed by the time we actually sat down to lunch. I feel like Tzvi and I have very different recollections of this meal, mainly owing to how much we had drunk at that point.
[Tzvi: Lunch was basically in the vineyard and quite beautiful. The menu was pretty simple, I think because it was Pesach, so we all got eggs and salad and coffees, and I ordered two more glasses of wine – a white and a rosè. There was also a lot of different goat cheeses and goat cheese spreads that they made there, which were all fantastic. It was just a really lovely experience to sit outside in a vineyard, eat lunch and drink wine. I just remember thinking how lucky we all were to be able to share this experience together. And the kids had a great time watching TV on their iPads. At the end we had a goat milk frozen yogurt which was just delightful.]
Um, no. Here’s what really happened: We were finally told that our table was ready, except when we got outside all we saw was a large table with no tablecloth or setups. As we were about to set up the tablecloth ourselves someone finally came over. Our table was in the sun, so we had to beg them to open the umbrella, which they eventually did. We sat down and were given 1 menu. We asked for more, but it didn’t really matter because there were only 2 real options, a meal for two that included bread, salad, egg, cheese, jam, and some dips or a cheese plate. We all got the meal for 2 except for Inbar who got the cheese plate. Everything came with a hot and cold drink for each person. I’m not sure how long it took to order, but it was a while, and of course ordering wasn’t the easiest. When we finished ordering we were in good spirits, looking forward to our nice outdoor meal. That feeling passed after maybe an hour. Lots of servers walking around, but no food. At one point we had Inbar ask where it was except she forgot both her Hebrew and English and just ended up saying “Ha’ochel, Eifo?” which directly translates to “the food, where?” It was pretty hilarious. We were also buzzed and delirious from all the waiting. Our food eventually came, obviously missing a few things, which they brought fairly quickly (comparatively). So, we ate. It was fine. We then asked for our “dessert” portion which was some sort of goat milk frozen yogurt. We waited, and waited. I finally got up and asked what was going on and a woman told me it would be faster if we just paid by the register and got the yogurt to go. As we all got up, a woman showed up with a tray of 10 small frozen yogurts. I just took the tray and kept walking, giving out the yogurts, which no one really wanted anyway because ew. Overall, it was a three hour experience, and we only made it through because the kids had iPads. I don’t need to go back there.
We bought more wine, and then we tried to hit a third winery but it was closed so we headed back to the hotel and got ready for Shabbos. Robyn met us at the hotel and she and Inbar took the girls for ice cream and to play at Robyn’s kibbutz.
Tzvi and I sat by the pool a little and then I went to the gym. We eventually got ready for dinner, which was another meat buffet.
I think it’s very impressive how they really mix it up and serve different foods at each meal. Tonight there was a whole sushi station – like regular sushi with white rice – which Inbar said tasted weird. There was a delicious filet mignon with mashed potatoes. Another impressive thing here is that they have all of these carving stations but they don’t just throw food onto your plate – there are a bunch of stations that have like composed dishes and you get like a nicely composed dish with meat and potatoes and sauces and it’s like beautifully plated. Dessert was fine, nothing noteworthy. And then we went to sleep!
The girls woke us up Saturday around 9, which was great. We went to breakfast, same as usual, minus the omelet station. I also think they took away the orange juice machine for shabbat (as opposed to yuntiv). We didn’t do much. Inbar left to go hang out with Robyn. We hung around in my mom’s super spacious Kineret Villa, walked Madeleine around for a nap, and all of a sudden it was 1:30 and time for lunch! As opposed to yuntiv, they actually had a set lunch in the dining room. It was funny though because some people actually went to the dining area and sat down, and other people were just walking in and out of the buffet in bathing suits and eating their food by the pool. They had a nice array of food. There was delicious Asado but the guy carving it seemed nervous because his hands were shaky and I thought he was going to cut off a finger.
After lunch we left the girls with Inbar. They were going to swim in their pool but eventually wound up in my mom’s hot tub. Tzvi and I headed to our spa appointments. This was a strange experience. We got there to check in and asked where to get robes and they told us we were supposed to bring our robes from our room. How would we know this? Also, who wants to wear their robes that they wear after the shower to the spa? Anyway, we kind of looked at them like ‘what are you talking about’ and the woman said she would look for robes, but there were none. She sent us to reception to ask for robes, which we did, and they thought we were crazy but told us robes were coming. Ten minutes later and there were no robes so we resigned ourselves to just walking naked robeless in the spa. Fortunately, when we got back they said they just got a delivery of some robes. Crisis averted.
We went upstairs and the masseuses brought us to the room. They didn’t introduce themselves or anything, but just told us to lay down. Problem was, apparently we were supposed to wear underwear. Now, I think the only other place where we had to wear underwear was France, so we weren’t prepared. Thankfully I had some underwear in my bag but Tzvi had to wear this large paper underwear. Shame I don’t have a picture of that. Then they came back in and just started the massage. It was actually pretty good. After 50 minutes, they said thank you and goodbye. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but everywhere else in the world they at least talk to you, ask you how it was, give you some water. Maybe we expect too much. The important thing is that the massage was good.
We all hung out at the pool for a while. At some point Madeleine took off her clothes and was running around naked. At this point I just say do as the Israelis do. Robyn showed up at some point to hang out, and we waited for shabbat to end.
For dinner we went to the dairy lounge. Tzvi had asked earlier if they were serving dinner and they said no, and that dinner was in the main restaurant (another big meat buffet). Then Tzvi asked how late they were open and they said 11pm. Then he asked if they had a menu with food, and they said yes. It was like they were open and serving food but didn’t actually want people to come eat there. Strange interaction. Everyone ate a whole bunch of dairy things and I ate nothing. I later had snacks.
So many weird quirks at this hotel. Also, Tzvi is very upset about the furniture. Let me explain. Some of the rooms here are bigger than others, but every room has the exact same furniture. So the furniture feels too big for our smaller rooms are it’s kind of cramped, but in my parents room the furniture is too small and there’s too much open space. It’s just kind of like they didn’t put enough thought into anything here.
After dinner we got the girls to bed, then packed up a bit and went to sleep. We slept pretty well. Apparently there were jets flying over on their way to bomb Syria at 5am which woke up some people, but not us!
We woke up and had breakfast. Interestingly, I asked for decaf coffee but they told me they didn’t have decaf for Pesach. I asked why they didn’t have the Café Haag that they had the first few days, and was told that wasn’t kosher for Pesach. Was it kosher for Pesach when they served it on days 1-3?
We had a little time before the 12pm checkout. The girls decided they wanted to swim so Tzvi took them to the room to change, at which point they ran into the housekeeping staff who told them they needed to get out. Apparently checkout was 11, not 12. Who knew? I went to reception to get new keys just so we could get back in to our rooms. I also asked for the bills etc. and then completed the checkout. Then we packed up everything. Funny enough, when we asked for a golf cart this time they came in 2 seconds. They took our stuff and we just left it on the curb. De ja vue from day 1. The girls swam a bit, we took some final photos, saw a little Israeli boy pee and poop on the grass, and headed out!
My parents drove back their own car and we got a van with Austin and Rachel and Kira. Apparently when my parents tried to leave the hotel, two golf carts stopped them and said they hadn’t paid. They asked what they were talking about, but apparently they had to go back into the lobby and give their credit card again. I’m not sure why they don’t just charge the card on file like every other hotel. Also, I really thought I had already finished the check out earlier!
Anyway, the plan was for us to drop off Austin and Rachel in Tiberias so they could get a rental car to drive to meet their friends in Caesarea. When we had made this plan a couple of days earlier, we were told the Caesarea stop would only add 10 or so minutes onto our total drive time. I do believe that it’s possible to do this drive at some time of day, at some time of year, and only add 10 minutes. However, on this day (Sunday of chol hamoed Pesach), in the middle of the day, that wasn’t the case. The drive to Tiberias took about 40 minutes. We dropped off Austin and Rachel and Kira, and then went to Aroma because there was no way we could wait until later to find lunch. Then we started our drive to Jerusalem; the later it got the more traffic built up, so ultimately a drive that should have taken 3 hours took about 5 hours. We ended up on Highway 90 through the West Bank (and through Arab villages), which we kind of wanted to avoid after the violence of the past few days. We also stopped at some Arab rest stop where we had to pay 2 shekels to use the bathroom and Inbar was all nervous, but eventually we made it!
And that’s when the real nightmare began.