Israel 2023. Chapter 1: Sheldon’s Office, Mordechai Ha-Yehudi Street.
There comes a moment in every vacation where you pack your bags and say goodbye. On this vacation, that moment came six times.
The whole Shabbos Tzvi was very stressed about leaving. Every hour he announced how many hours were left until we had to leave, and twenty minutes before Shabbos was over everyone was required to have their shoes on and be ready to walk out the door. As soon as Shabbos ended, we called two Ubers. They took 15 minutes to come, which was a very long time according to Tzvi. Of course, it started pouring five minutes before the Ubers arrived.
I got to the airport first so I flagged a porter with a big cart, but then this other woman started complaining that she needed help with her bags or she would miss her flight to Milan, except she only had two bags. The porter left me with his massive cart and our suitcases. Finally Tzvi got to the airport and loaded all of the suitcases onto the cart, except there was still no man. Tzvi was about to start pushing the cart through the airport but the porter came back just in time.
Tzvi was nervous about getting to the airport because El Al check in usually takes forever. He had a theory that if we left the second Shabbos ended, we’d beat all of the people who still had to daven ma’ariv and walk home from shul (he is obviously not included in this category). Well, the line really wasn’t that bad, but I guess we’ll never know if that was because it just wasn’t that bad tonight, or because Tzvi made us miserable and rushed us to the airport. The actual check-in took extra long because Benjamin wasn’t there. Who was Benjamin? No idea, but the woman kept saying there was a Benjamin on our reservation. I don’t know if she thought we were lying or what, but we eventually managed to convince her otherwise and we were on our way!
Everywhere we turned at the airport we saw people we knew. We saw someone from the neighborhood, someone from college and someone from Tzvi’s law firm. Then, as we were walking to the gate we saw Mariska Hargitay and her husband (from the Percil commercials). She looked great. I would have said hello, but she turned a corner and went down stairs before I could get to her. Probably for the best.
Everything just kind of went smoothly. Of course Tzvi wanted to be on the plane as close to first as possible, and then it took a while to push back and was kind of a bumpy flight, but ultimately it was a pretty good flight. I didn’t sleep, but the kids slept on me. Tzvi listened to the same podcast about the fall of the Soviet Union four times; every time he turned it on he immediately fell asleep and woke up at the end.
Even once we landed, everything went smoothly. There was a long line for passport control but they pulled us off that line because of the kids and just sent us through. We happened to run into Jane Schiff (my HAFTR bio teacher) and her daughter in law Deena Schiff (works at JNF). Who will we see next?! By the time we got to baggage claim Inbar already had most of our bags, and unlike past El Al flights, all of the bags eventually came out. Inbar’s father was waiting for her with balloons, which was cute. We said goodbye to Inbar, who is going home to her family for a few days. Then we met our driver, but not before stopping at Aroma to get an Iced Aroma. I feel like I always land in this airport and try to get Aroma but it’s always closed. Not today. We then ran into another college friend in the elevator. This trip/traveling has been a trip down memory lane.
After about an hour we pulled up to my parents apartment on Mordechai Ha-Yehudi Street. It took about 3 or 4 trips up the tiny elevator to get all of our stuff into the apartment. My parents got dinner for us from Hamburgerim, which is their local hamburger place. I had a burger, Tzvi had a meat wrap and the kids had burgers and schnitzel. It was very good and they served us a very nice dinner. The girls were wired, but exhausted.
Tzvi and I slept in my father’s office and the girls slept in the Mamad (the shelter) in two twin beds that we pushed together, so they were pretty excited about that. The night went as well as it could’ve gone. The girls woke up a bunch and I think were totally awake from 3:30-5:00 and were basically playing in the bed. It wasn’t great, but wasn’t that bad. Tzvi mostly dealt with the girls. The office has these metal shutters on the windows (called “trisim” in Hebrew), which are on a timer. This apartment is brand new, and it’s Israel – the most technologically advanced country in the world – so you would think that they would put in a digital timer or something. Nope. They put a literal ticking clock (like an old school timer) in the wall, conveniently located directly above the head of the bed. The ticking kept us up, but Tzvi put on his Russia podcast and went right to sleep.
We finally got up and were upset that my parents were making so much noise in the kitchen, until my mother yelled ‘Do you know what time it is?’ Turns out we’d fallen back asleep and it was 10:15am. Of course my mother was still in a robe and hadn’t had breakfast, so I guess it’s all relative. In case you’ve lost track, it’s now Monday morning.
We took it really slow. We lounged in the apartment for a while, had breakfast and made it out around 12:00. We took a bus to Machane Yehuda, which probably took 40 minutes. I think my parents wanted to show us how they’ve really become locals and mastered the transit system.
We first went to the place where Tzvi got the amazing goose sandwich last year, because today was the only opportunity on the whole trip to get it, but they didn’t have goose. The man said something in Hebrew that we didn’t really understand. I think they’ve eaten all of the geese in Israel or something. I think Tzvi was disappointed because he couldn’t get the sandwich, but also relieved because he wasn’t in the mood for it. We walked to the shuk and did our business, obviously stopping at Rosemary to procure $100+ of dried fruit for pesach. Hallie also bought a box of fresh (unwashed) strawberries and just started eating them there.
For lunch we got the girls pizza at Craft, which happened to be next to a shakshuka place that I’d seen Peas Love and Carrots post about, so Tzvi and I got shakshuka sandwiches. There were a lot of people at the shakshuka place but we couldn’t figure out who was a customer and who was working there. We were asking questions about the food and people sitting at tables started answering us. It turned out they were all related to the owner and all from Staten Island. Anyway, the sandwiches were delicious.
I took my sandwich to go because I had to leave for work. I went to the JNF high school campus in Hod Hasharon.
[Tzvi: After lunch we walked down to Ben Yehuda Street, bought some kippas and then took another bus back. The kids rode the kiddie rides outside the hamburger place and then we went back to the apartment. I changed and then took a cab to the train station and hopped on a train to Tel Aviv. I think the station here is even farther underground than Grand Central Madison. The train was really nice and fast, but the most impressive thing was that it was actually on time. I think the MTA needs to consult with Israel.
I got out and tried to get a cab but the Gett app wasn’t finding anything and the taxis sitting outside the station wouldn’t take me with the meter. (it’s a thing in Israel that you can either negotiate a price or pay by the meter, and of course with a negotiated price you’ll often get ripped off. I think technically they’re not supposed to refuse to take you by the meter, but they always do.) I decided to walk and it took me about 45 minutes, making a quick stop at Lechamim (which is the original Bread’s Bakery) to buy some pastries.
I met Yoni Bain at Felix Wine Bar. Yoni and I have known each other since first grade and were in school together over the years and at NYU, but I haven’t seen him in a few years. He lives in Tel Aviv and it was great to catch up with him.
I got a cab and headed over to Sarona Market to meet Steph. We were stopped on a street corner and there were a lot of people milling around. The cab driver told me that since they announced that they were delaying the vote on the judicial reforms you could really sense a shift. He said the last month no one has been smiling, and today everyone is out and smiling. He said you can just feel it in the air.]
Tzvi and I both got cabs and met at Sarona Market for our anniversary dinner at Whiskey Bar and Museum. The restaurant is underground in a templar tunnel that the menu said was used by the Mosad until recently. The walls are lined with whiskey bottles and they really have an amazing selection. We both got cocktails and also had a flight of Israeli whiskeys (for those interested, we had Golani Black, M&H Elements Sherry, Slingshot, and Yreushalmi Mount Moriah); there was no reason to order a flight of any other whiskeys since you can do the same tasting on any Shabbos morning in the Beth Sholom security room, so we opted for something different. The whiskeys were… interesting.
Dinner was excellent. We had bread and dips, a grilled vegetable salad with cashew cream and beat cream, sliced smoked goose breast with artichoke cream and blueberry jam, and two steaks. My favorite was the filet with truffle mashed potato and whiskey sauce, but Tzvi preferred the fattier rib eye. We couldn’t decide what to do for dessert so we got three things – a chocolate bomb (chocolate caramel mousse, cocoa streusel, brownies, hazelnut nougat, toffee sauce and hazelnut ice cream), a “black sour” (lemon cream served on passion fruit and mango cake, fruit sauce, white streusel, meringue, dried raspberry and black sesame tuille) and a lotus cigar thing (two cigars filled with lotus cream with caramel sauce and caramelized bananas) . It was all really fantastic. The waitress had doubted our ability to consume 3 desserts, but she clearly didn't know who she was dealing with. After we were done she said she was impressed. I don’t know if that’s a compliment. She was a really good server and was telling us how there is a food test you can take that if you pass it you get a bigger percentage of tips (no idea if she was just talking about that restaurant or Israeli restaurants generally). She also said she has a masters degree and worked in tech but because of the tech crisis in Israel she’s working as a waitress.
We got back to Jerusalem around 11:30 and found the kids wide awake. Either it was jet lag or the fact that my mom had fed them Oreos moments before we walked in. We also found my father in his office/our bedroom, and basically had to fight him to leave so we could go to sleep. I think he he had been annoyed since we arrived that he was kicked out of his office. We eventually got my father our and the kids to sleep and everyone did pretty well over night.
Tuesday morning we got up slowly again, ate breakfast in the apartment, packed up, and headed out. We walked around for a place where I could get a manicure, but couldn’t find one. We stopped by Abby and Mordy’s house to say hello, and then around 12 and headed to Grand Café to meet my parents for lunch. I had a tuna sandwich that was ok but it was basically just tuna. It could’ve used egg and pickles and some kind of other dressing… so basically everything you need to make a sandwich. Tzvi got a salad with smoked tuna, but I don’t know what means. [Tzvi: I ate it and I still don’t know.] My dad got a bagel with lox; it’s funny how you go to Israel and everything is so much fresher and tastier, and it’s an entire country full of Jews, many of whom are from New York, and still, no one can make a good bagel.
After lunch we went back to the apartment and met Igor. If anyone needs a recommendation for a Russian tour guide, please message me. I have a great one. Igor is extremely knowledgeable. At least, I think he’s knowledgeable. On our drive up North from Jerusalem to The Setai Sea of Galilee, Igor pointed out lots of different sights and explained them to us in Hebrew. We understood some of it, but it’s possible he was just pointing at different things and telling us that his wife makes good goulash, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. To be clear, we hired Igor as a driver, not as a tour guide. That was just a free bonus.
The drive took a little under three hours on highway 90, which runs along with border with Jordan. For most of the drive we could see Jordan on our right. We saw the spot in Jordan where Muslims believe Moshe Rabeinu (Moses) is buried. We didn’t stop once. I wanted to stop for ice cream at a gas station but Tzvi said we were too close and should just power through. [Tzvi: that’s an unfair characterization of the situation. It was more like this:
Hallie: I have to pee.
Tzvi: we’ll be there in 10 minutes.
Steph: should we stop at a gas station so she can pee and we can also get them ice cream?
Tzvi: we’ll be there in 10 minutes, let’s just wait.
For Steph to now claim that she wanted ice cream and I deprived her of it is just blatantly false.]
Whatever. The kids did great on the ride. Madeleine fell asleep about ten minutes before we got there.
We got to the hotel around 4 and unloaded our luggage. The arrival was… unexpected, to say the least.
Winter Break 2023. Day 7. Beyond Burger.
We woke up today in sunny St. Martin!
We had breakfast at the buffet which was the same as usual. I haven’t yet tried the “Fried Bread,” but I think I’ve made the conscious decision not to. Perhaps next cruise.
A little before ten Tzvi took Hallie down to Café Al Bacio. We had heard that Captain Kate goes there to get her coffee in the morning so he thought they’d give it a try. Hallie was dying to meet her so she shoveled in breakfast and then made Tzvi take her down. Low and behold, there she was! She talked a bit with Hallie and was really nice. She even gave her a special bonus riddle: What’s blue and smells like red paint? (answer tomorrow, or you can ask Hallie, who got it almost immediately).
By the way, the answer to yesterday’s riddle (you see a boat full of bodies, but there’s not a single person on board. How?): They’re all married.
Tzvi texted us that Captain Kate was on Deck 4 so we all left the buffet and headed down. Madeleine had been so excited to meet her but then got so shy and wouldn’t even look at her. Captain Kate showed us photos from her recent shoots. She has this mermaid tale that she wears and she actually wore it going underwater in St. Marten. Apparently, that morning she had also put it on and took photos in the pools on the ship. She said it was around 7am and yes there were people already at the pool witnessing this. She looked great. She’s the first female captain of a mega cruise ship and very impressive. She’s very good at social media and she’s so so kind. She was so great with the girls. Like, she’s captain of this huge ship in charge of everything but she took time to just talk to us and the girls. Thanks Captain Kate!
After that, Inbar went to the gym, Tzvi went to the pool, and I took the girls to camp. We made a deal that I would go to the gym later. (Stay tuned to see if that happened.) Hallie played on her side of the camp a little and then joined me and Madeleine. There was also a dad with a girl there probably a little older than 1. From there, we had a quick lunch because we were supposed to meet off the ship at 1230 for our shore excursion. Well, of course we were late.
We were herded (as they do on Caribbean shore excursions) to an old coach bus for a 25 minute bus ride to Orient beach. On last year’s cruise we stopped at St. Marten and went to the beach that’s a ten minute boat ride from the port, and that was pretty gross and had music blasting. This year we thought we’d try something different. (Stay tuned to see if that worked out.) On the bus ride Hallie started davening out loud and a woman told her she had a very nice voice. When we got there, a woman in a bright yellow shirt got on board and told us that she was our guide and bartender. I guess that meant she was going to guide us off the bus and on to the beach. Well, as we were guided off the bus it started to pour. Some liquid sunshine! So we sat under a covered area until it stopped. During this time I tried to walk Madeleine to sleep. Eventually it worked.
When it stopped raining we got some seats and right away we were accosted by women asking if we wanted our hair braided. On the bus, our tour guide/bar tender told us that we may get ripped off and we shouldn’t pay more than 2 dollars a braid. Of course Hallie wanted to get her hair braided. Last year I said no, and then she went back to school and all the girls had their hair braided and she didn’t. So this year I said yes, but I knew we are suckers and would end up paying too much so I walked over to our tour guide/bartender and asked her who to use and to negotiate a price for me. For Hallie’s hair we negotiated 4 braids at 3 dollars a braid, so not bad. She had it done and it was painful for all of us. But she was pleased with it. (Stay tuned to see how long they lasted.)
It rained on and off for a while and Hallie played in the sand. After sitting around for a bit and sipping the diluted rum punch, Tzvi said it was time to take a walk. As we were on the French side of the Island we were right next to the nude beach. So we took a nice walk down to the nude beach. It was an experience. There were lots of naked bodies of all shapes and sizes. People hanging around. Their penises hanging around. It was very traumatic.
When we got back it was almost time to go. Thank God. We packed up, and guess what, it started pouring again. We made it back on the bus and drove back to the ship. Tzvi ran back on the ship with the girls and my dad, while Inbar, my mom and I stayed to walk around and shop, though there was nothing to buy.
Back on the ship we went to the burger grill by the pool and got a veggie burger. The girls got smoothies, and of course Madeleine spilled hers all over her chair. The burger was actually delicious as were the fresh fries. It was really fun.
We wanted to swim, but the weather wasn’t great out, so we headed into the solarium. The solarium is adults only, except every day from 4pm-6pm when they have family time. It was pretty empty except there were two women in the pool. Madeleine was sort of running around outside the pool, and Hallie swam and enjoyed the pool. We could see the women weren’t so happy, and when we finally got out of the pool and went into the hot tub, we saw one of the women get out of the pool and walk over to one of the pool attendants. I couldn’t hear her but I could tell she was complaining and saying something like ‘this really isn’t acceptable.’ Then I just watched her face as the attendant said the words “family time.” Then she walked away shaking her head and they got out of the pool and sat shaking their heads for 20 minutes while we sat in the hot tub. We made sure to leave promptly at 6pm.
We got back to the room and showered and dressed for dinner. While I was getting dressed our attendant knocked on the door with a little plate of desserts and a card from the hotel director saying thank you for your feedback, because I had gone online to fill out a form saying how great Ismail was.
When I was leaving for dinner I found our attendant vacuuming the sand out of our stroller. That was amazing, and we didn’t even have to ask, so it looks like I’ll be filling out another compliment card.
Inbar took Hallie to the show to see a cello concert, which Hallie enjoyed and actually sat through. Then we went to dinner in the Cosmopolitan dining room so the girls could eat because we had separate reservations later, but since we were already there we figured we might as well try tonight’s specials. Tzvi had a blue cheese salad, except when they brough it they poured vinaigrette on it, and when Tzvi asked where the blue cheese was, they said a lot of people don’t like blue cheese so they don’t bring it, but Tzvi specifically wanted blue chese (which was why he ordered it), so that was just confusing. Eventually they brought him blue cheese dressing. We also had first dessert before heading off to our dinner.
Our reservation was at Eden at 9:00pm, but my mom was about 40 minutes late because she had a psychiatry meeting at 830. I guess reservation times are just suggestions? We ended up not ordering until 9:40, and then there was a show that started at 10:30 which my father was complaining about (it was too loud), though in fairness we probably would’ve been almost done by 10:30 if not for my mother being 40 minutes late. I will say that I actually did enjoy being able to listen to the show during diner, which was very well done. I won’t go through every dish we ate, but I will say there were a lot of them. They were all strange, but also all very good.
After dinner we went for our nightly khalua and cream and third dessert, because you always need a dessert after dessert.
Winter Break 2023. Day 6. Beyond Deck 3 Lies the Medical Center.
Last night I slept okay until Tzvi’s alarm went off at 715am, which was really 615am since we’d switched the clock and lost an hour of sleep. So thanks.
Apparently, Madeleine fell out of bed a couple of times during the night, but thank you Inbar for dealing with that and letting us sleep.
We went to breakfast, which lasted about 5 minutes before we had to run to the 1030am Captain’s Club reception at Eden. Isn’t it amazing how we are up at 7:15 but can’t manage to be on time for a 10:30 event? Of course, by the time we got there all of the seats were already taken so we ended up standing near the front of the room. That actually worked out well, as Captain Kate did a little welcome and actually shouted out Hallie because we were right near her. She came over and asked her name, how old she was, and how many cruises she’s been on. Then there was a performer from the show last night. He was very good and did all of these acrobatic movements, all while wearing jeans. It really could’ve been an advertisement for those jeans. Hallie really wanted to meet Captain Kate but she rushed off during the performance. We’ll have to find her somewhere else. After that we got a delicious chocolate bar at the La Maison du Chocolat which I’m pretty sure cost about $25.
Captain Kate made her daily announcement. The answer to yesterday’s riddle (Two people are born at exactly the same moment but have different birthdays. How is that possible?): they are born in different time zones.
Today’s riddle: you see a boat full of bodies, but there’s not a single person on board. How?
Hallie didn’t want to go to the kids club and told Tzvi she wanted to get a cocktail and go in the hot tub. Then they got the cocktail, but she didn’t want to go in the hot tub. She said wanted to go back inside, so we dumped her with Sherry and Tzvi laid out while I took Madeleine for lunch.
Then we had the incident.
Madeleine was in the elevator and her hand got stuck in the elevator door as it was opening. It was bad. I had to pull it out. She was upset. I was upset. There was another man in the elevator who was also probably upset. We didn’t know what to do. [Tzvi: I had been on the phone with Steph at the time, and all I heard was ‘oh my God, Madeleine!” and then crying for about 30 seconds straight.] We found my parents eating lunch at Eden and had them look at the finger. Meanwhile I ordered a tuna sandwich on toasted bread, and ten minutes later was presented with a scoop of tuna stuffed into a cold mini-pita pocket. Awesome. Way to kick me when I’m down, Eden sandwich man. My father then went and ordered the exact same sandwich and got exactly what I wanted.
We went to guest relations and found out the ship’s doctor wasn’t open until 4pm, unless it was an emergency, which it wasn’t. Madeleine was just so sad and so upset, but eventually she fell asleep in the stroller. While I was walking her I actually ran into Captain Kate. That was exciting and I said the kids would be so jealous, but she assured me that she’d be around again.
Hallie went for pizza with Sherry, and then went to hang out with my mom, which somehow turned into my mother calling patients and Hallie watching tv on her tablet. Tzvi went for lunch with his mom at the sushi restaurant and I joined at the end and had a baked salmon roll. They couldn’t really figure out how to do that though, so they made an avocado roll with pieces of baked salmon on top. It was actually delicious, but I had no idea you had to pay extra for it.
We left the kids with Inbar and Tzvi and I went to the spa for our massages. Really great massages. When we got back we found that Ismail had sent chocolate strawberries to our room, which was so nice of him.
Inbar took the kids to camp, but Hallie was scarred from yesterday so she would only play on the toddler side with Madeleine to make sure she didn’t get left again. I went to gym for 40 minutes while Tzvi laid out, and then it was time to take Madeleine to the doctor.
It was a long wait. There were two people waiting there (I think they were cousins) who we had seen at the sushi restaurant at lunch. He had an allergic reaction to something, and she told me how she was trying to adopt a baby but apparently, it’s really hard to get a baby in this country, though she said everyone is saying that it is going to get a lot easier as the crazy abortion laws go into effect. We discussed foster care but she said that wouldn’t work because you aren’t allowed to take the child out of the city (or something) and she travels all the time. She was in Dubai for the month of December and now she’s on this cruise. What a life. Anyway, I wish her all the best.
Anyway, the doctor looked at Madeleine’s finger and took an x-ray, which was super cute. They had this portable machine that they wheeled into the room. It was pretty cool. Then we called my dad to come down and look at the x-ray. Thankfully the finger’s not broken, just swollen. He then asked the Doctor if she had ever seen a some kind of terrible finding on board, and she said that in her 7 years of being a ship doctor she thankfully hadn’t. No idea what that was or why he asked. Cheerful conversation.
We were all doing dinner separately tonight. My parents had a reservation at the steakhouse, we took the kids to the buffet, and then Tzvi and I had a reservation later at Le Voyage. We got pasta for Madeleine but had to wait a long time for parmesan cheese and when they finally came back with it they had a 2 gallon size bag of parmesan cheese.
While I changed for dinner Tzvi and Inbar tried to take the girls to the show, but they only lasted one song and ended up at the café where Hallie got hot chocolate and Madeleine, along with another three year old girl from Florida named Holland, chased each other up and down the halls. The other passengers must have loved that.
Eventually the girls went to bed and we went to dinner. Hallie had specifically requested time alone with Inbar to “relax” on the balcony after Madeleine went to bed. It’s tough being a big sister.
Dinner was at Le Voyage, which is under the direction of Michelin starred chef Daniel Boulud. The doors are almost hidden, and when you step inside you can’t hear the grand plaza right outside and feel like you’ve been transported into a Michelin starred restaurant in the middle of New York City.
We started with an amuse bouche of babaganoush, which Tzvi said was very good. Then they brought the bread. There was a sourdough, which was great, and a little buttery brioche that was incredible. I don’t remember if we ate two or three of them. I could have ended the meal right then and been satisfied, but alas, we continued.
For the first course, I had roasted cauliflower with lentil ragout and Tzvi had tuna crudo. Then we waited for our second course. And waited and waited and waited. Once again, service was really great, it was just slow. They kept coming to check on us, just without any food. For the second course Tzvi had ordered the vidalia onion tarte and I a roasted beet and carrot salad, but I think they felt bad it took so long so they brought us an extra onion tarte for me. The problem was the onion tart was filled with a cheese foam (yes, a cheese foam). I tried to eat the onion that wasn’t touching the foam. I also felt like I was in the The Menu, but that just happens to me every time I eat fancy food now. For the main course we both had seabass. Tzvi loved it, and I actually ate several bites despite the fact that it wasn’t salmon, so that’s really saying something. It came with “Israeli cous cous,” which once again was really ptitim.
For desserts one, two, three and four of the night we had a chocolate thing with coffee ice cream that they poured hot chocolate over to make melt, rice pudding, a berry merengue thing and a mille feuille. They were all pretty good. The berry merengue was stunning.
After dinner we went to our coffee spot for our fifth and sixth dessert of the evening. We got a financier and tiramisu and a khalua and cream.
Stressful day.
Hopefully tomorrow is more relaxing.
Winter Break. Day 5. Beyond Dinner Lies Dessert, then Dinner, then Dessert, then Pizza.
We got up quite early. I think Madeleine woke everyone up at 6:55. Thanks.
Eventually we got out and headed to the buffet for breakfast. Inbar took the kids to camp and Tzvi and I went to the gym. My parents went as well. Both my parents were on the phone at one point and that is just not proper gym etiquette. I also saw the same Instagram women from last night, except they really weren’t working out. No judgement on the way different people exercise, but they looked like they clearly dressed up for the gym but didn’t want to actually be in the gym. Another photoshoot I guess.
While we were at the gym we heard our first announcement from Captain Kate. She started by giving all of the stats – our speed, position, etc. – and then said, ‘but all that means to you is that we’re in the middle of the ocean.’ She also gave her first riddle of the cruise (she’s known for puns and riddles):
Two people are born at exactly the same moment but have different birthdays. How is that possible? (answer tomorrow)
After the gym we picked up Hallie from camp and headed to the buffet. Hallie was very distraught because initially Inbar was playing with Madeleine on one side of camp and Hallie was on the other side with her age group. At one-point Inbar left with Madeleine and Hallie didn’t realize she wasn’t there. Not Inbar’s fault, but like her mother, Hallie has abandonment issues. Hallie was not happy and pretty much never returned to camp the rest of the trip. Oh well.
Once again at the buffet Hallie ate the equivalent of two personal pizzas without cheese. It’s cute how she loves to go get the pizza by herself, and it’s nice to let her exercise that independence.
After lunch I walked Madeleine to sleep again. I got a cocktail while doing so, which made the experience more pleasurable. I got a French Caribbean, which is one of their standard frozen drinks. It was delicious. Tzvi took Hallie in the infinity pool at the side of the ship, and then at some point Tzvi and I went in the hot tub. Sherry went to a talk about space, which she really enjoyed. See, something for everyone.
Tonight was evening chic, so my mom, Sherry and I got our hair done at the salon. When we got there, I realized I recognized one of the stylists from Edge. She said she remembered me as well, but who knows. There was also a stylist who could have been the live action version of Merida from Brave, only she had never actually seen the movie. Anyway, during my blowout, the outlets stopped working at my station so I had to move to the barbershop to finish. I would have stayed for a shave, but there just wasn’t enough time before dinner. I have to say though, I really liked what she did with my hair.
Tonight’s dinner was supposed to be in the Normandie dining room, but the dining room meals are all messed up. Basically, we had signed up for 6pm dining, which multiple people on the phone told us meant we should be able to quickly get a table at 6pm in any dining room. Well, that wasn’t the case. We got to Normandie and they said they couldn’t seat us for 1.5 hrs, so we went upstairs to the Cosmopolitan dining room and were able to get a table quickly. I should say, it really doesn’t matter that much which dining room you eat in – there are four, each with different themes (Tusan (Italian), Normandie (French), Cosmopolitan (American) and Cyprus (Greek)). There’s a different menu every night that you can get in all of the dining rooms, and then each dining room additionally has a set menu specific to that room. So at the end of the day it’s really all about décor.
During dinner I had to walk Madeleine around because the meal was taking a long time and she was going nuts. That’s when I happened to come across Ismail, the Food and Beverage Director. He is from Turkey, but his wife and kids are currently in the Czech Republic. We had a nice conversation, and he asked how things were going on the ship, so I told him about our reservation issue. He immediately got us the reservation we needed for tomorrow night and Friday night and said if there was anything else we needed to let him know. It’s amazing how these senior officers can just snap their fingers and make anything happen.
For dinner we had actually ordered kosher food, which meant that we started by having a full dairy dinner and dairy dessert, then took a break, and then ate a full meat dinner. Celebrity has fresh (frozen) meats and poultry that they cook on a separate designated grill using separate designated pots and pans. We all had steaks and Tzvi and my mom had lamb chops. It was pretty tasty.
We walked past the Jewelry store where they were giving out these 1920 style headbands. I have no idea why, but the girls wanted one. There was some raffle that we didn’t win, and then we made our way to the show.
Tonight the show was being opened by Captain Kate, which was exciting. She came out in her signature Louboutins and fishnets and gave everyone a welcome. The show was Elements, and it was the first time this cast had performed it on a ship. It was really well done, and even my parents enjoyed it. At one point they did an instrumental of Bye Bye Bye and I don’t know where that fit in, but it was enjoyable.
We went back to the room and everyone was wiped and ready for bed.
But hey, we’re on vacation, so… after getting the kids to sleep, Tzvi and I to went back out and checked out the silent disco in the Grand Plaza. It was fun to watch people dancing and singing without music. Then we got the headphones and sat in the café listening to the music. My parents joined us for our nightly Kahlua and cream and dessert. After that we were really wiped, and full, and ready for bed.
But hey, we’re on a cruise, so… we went up to the buffet, which is open until 1am to see what they had. The food is pretty limited, but the pizza station stays open so Tzvi enjoyed some fresh, hot pizza at about 1230am. We also had a bite of a tuna sandwich.
Good day.
Winter Break. Day 4. Going Beyond.
I think last night people were up 12 times.
We got up and had an outdoor breakfast at Aroma. Madeleine wanted an oatmeal, of which she ate none. Tzvi had a power breakfast because he is very powerful (it was bread and salad and a bunch of small portions of things). We got an iced aroma which was delicious and for some reason way better than Thursday.
We went back to the room, packed up, and headed out in two Ubers to the cruise terminal in Fort Lauderdale. We sent Inbar in the car with my parents where she got a whole education about Israeli politics and some other Israeli history that my mom felt the need to impart.
We pulled up to the beautiful Celebrity Beyond, the newest ship in the Edge class. I must remind you that we call it a ship, because while you can fit a boat on a ship, you cannot fit a ship on a boat. This ship has lifeboats; there are no lifeships on a boat. That is from our very famous Captain Kate McCue, the first female captain to command a mega cruise ship. Her nametag says Captain and right under that it says “Don’t call it a boat.” She’s great and we’ve been following her on Instagram for a few years now, but more on her later.
Check in went smoothly and we walked right onto the ship. It’s beautiful, and similar to Edge, which we cruised on last January. We got our group photo and headed to our rooms.
Then we just had to run to the internet place before lunch. Hallie was whining that she was so hungry but God forbid my parents didn’t buy internet first thing.. For lunch we went to the Oceanview Café, better known as the buffet (or, as Sherry calls it, the “boo-fay”). Hallie was disappointed that there was no chocolate fountain (they had one on the first day last year), but they said it would be out on Saturday. Then we went to the kids club to sign Hallie up. Fortunately, we learned that this cruise Madeleine would be able to play there with an adult present, which is nice.
All afternoon we noticed a lot of people in red shirts that said “2nd Honeymoon Club.” Ends up there are 400 of them and they are all from The Villages, a retirement community in Florida. Lucky us. This cruise definitely feels older than others, but I guess we were spoiled because last year was COVID and maybe old people weren’t traveling as much.
I walked Madeleine to nap and Tzvi took Hallie to the hot tub. Eventually Madeleine woke up and we went for ice cream at the buffet. While we were sitting we noticed an older Israeli couple at the next table. After hearing the man’s voice, Tzvi was like, “I’m pretty sure that’s my middle school principal.” Of course Sherry had no problem going over and talking to them, and sure enough, it was Rabbi Gabbai, Tzvi’s principal at Shalhevet in 7th and 8th grade, who actually remembered Tzvi and Sherry.
A tale of two sail-aways
After that we dressed for dinner and headed to Tuscan, the Italian themed dining room. We got a large table for 12, even though we were only 8. A server named Roberto came over and said he was the kids’ private waiter, so he only dealt with them the entire meal. We’re still not sure why. Hallie got salmon and loved it. I enjoyed it too. Dinner was long, as would the rest of the dinners be on the ship. I think we sat there for two hours.
We skipped the welcome comedy show to walk around. The girls had a great time running around and “dancing” to the live music in the Grand Plaza. After a while we went back to the room and put the girls to bed. Madeleine has a bed on this ship, so we’ll see how that goes.
Once the girls were asleep Tzvi and I headed out to Café Al Baccio for our nightly cappuccino, Kahlua and cream and dessert (which we did every night on last year’s cruise). While we were there we saw two women at the table next to us taking photos of themselves with this huge light. It wasn’t even a ring light – it was brighter and more offensive and they were shining it right in Tzvi’s eye. They were so oblivious to everyone around them it was amazing to watch.
Good Day.
Winter Break 2023. Day 3. No one Can Sign.
Friday night was rough. Madeleine got up a few times and woke up Hallie a few times. Hallie woke up for the day at 7:02am. Madeleine got up a little after 8. Oy.
We went down to breakfast a little after 9. When we walked in the hostess came over the girls with a basket of toys and sunglasses. First Madeleine picked a little stuffed zebra and Hallie picked out sunglasses. Then Madeleine was upset that Hallie got sunglasses so the hostess let her pick sunglasses too. Then obviously Hallie was upset that Madeleine got two things and she got one, so she got to pick a stuffed giraffe. Anyway, good buffet.
We went to the pool and basically got the same seats we got last year at this grassy area next to the pool. I actually like it better than the area right at the pool because its less crowded and the kids can’t fall into the pool. We swam for a while and spent some time at the beach playing in the sand. Eventually my parents came down and Sherry showed up too. Sherry told us that she had been standing in front of the hotel trying to decide whether to walk to visit the building where her grandparents used to live, when a man came up to her and asked her where she was going. She said, “I’m not really sure” and he asked her to have coffee with him at Aroma. Turns out he was Israeli, gay, in his 40s, and knew a lot of the same LA Chabad rabbis that Sherry knows. Alright then.
We spent the whole day at the pool. It was basically all Jews. An entire hotel and no one could sign a check (literally, multiple times we heard people telling waiters they couldn’t sign checks).
For lunch I got a tuna sandwich and Tzvi had the mahi mahi sandwich. We also cocktails, but Hallie spilled Tzvi’s cocktail into Madeleine’s food, so we had to take her spaghetti to the bathroom to wash it off. It was pretty gross, but she still ate it. Hallie wasn’t too bothered by it all and just said it was an accident, which is when Tzvi tried to teach Hallie the concept of negligence, and how even though something is an accident it can still be your fault if you aren’t exercising proper care, to which Hallie replied “well you weren’t being careful because you shouldn’t have put your drink there.” Lawyered. I think Hallie also spilled Tzvi’s drink here last year.
After lunch I walked Madeleine to nap and it took forever. I must have walked over a half hour. At one point I passed another mom who was also trying to get her kid to sleep and she was like “trying to get a nap?” and I said “unsuccessfully” and she said “this is torture” and I agreed. Eventually I gave up and went back to the seats and Madeleine said she wanted to keep walking, so I told her she had to lay down and then she fell asleep in 2 minutes. Weird.
There was a pizza making class at 3:30 that Hallie took. She got to play with dough, sauce, and cheese which she enjoyed. Then they took it away to bake it. Very Shabbosdik. It was delicious. Then the girls wanted to swim again, so they did, and Tzvi went with them, reluctantly. Madeleine went into the hot tub for the first time which was cute.
Eventually we went back upstairs to pack, bathe the girls, and get ready for the evening. Inbar was watching them tonight and we were going out with my parents and Tzvi’s mom.
We walked down Lincoln Road, which is a five or six block long outdoor pedestrian mall. My mom bought a few things and eventually we made our way to the end and our dinner at Chotto Matte.
The restaurant turned out to be a little more clubby then we were expecting, but I guess that’s Miami. I think they sat us in the bar seating (Tzvi and I were on a sofa) even though we had made the reservation weeks in advance, but that was okay because it was actually quieter than the rest of the restaurant. It was kind of ironic though, because no one at our table wanted to drink. Tzvi realized during the meal that he had spent the entire day outside, had a cocktail (well, half thanks to Hallie) and not drank any water, so he was dehydrated and opted to have a NA cocktail, which had some kind of pepper in it and was actually pretty good. At the table next to us was a man who looked like he was in his 50s, sitting with three women much younger than him. We tried to figure out what the story was. My mother thought he was engaged to the one next to him and the other two were here friends. Tzvi thought he hired all three of them for the night.
The food was nikkei cuisine (Japanese-Peruvian fusion), which isn’t just a food trend, but comes from Peru where there is a community of 90,000 Japanese people. It was small plates and we shared a bunch of things – grilled edamame and cauliflower wings. We also ordered a few spicy tuna rolls that the other shared. For my main I had a piece of salmon that cost $30 and was the size of two of my fingers. For dessert we had a passionfruit crème brulle, warm fudge cake and a melting chocolate cake, which were all pretty good.
After dinner we walked back to the hotel and went to bed.
Good day. Tomorrow we get on the ship!
Winter Break 2023. Day 2. College Reunion.
Well, the night was okay.
Hallie was up in the middle of the night drinking water from a plastic water bottle, and the scrunching of the water bottle woke up me. Did I mention she left her new $26 water bottle in the side of her seat on the plane? Anyway, I ran in before she would wake up Madeleine, but maybe I’m just the worst sleeper and everyone else can sleep through normal noises.
The kids woke up around 7:15ish, and we actually made it out of the hotel room by 9:05am, which was only 5 minutes after our 9:00am goal. Not bad. We drove to Zak the Baker where we picked up cinnamon rolls, chocolate, regular and almond croissants, chocolate chip cookies and a babka. We then headed to Andy’s and Tink’s house!
Andy was a year ahead of us in NYU and he and Tzvi were really close in college. He and Lauren got married in Montreal and Tzvi and I drove up there for the wedding. (Completely unrelated, but somewhere there is a phenomenal video of Tzvi having a meltdown at a rest stop in Vermont after he realized he forgot his suit for the wedding.) Anyway, this was our first time seeing them in maybe ten years. They now live in Cooper City, a gated community 10 minutes from Hollywood. It’s like Weeds - little boxes on the hillside, all the same… all with Teslas.
Their house is a gorgeous ranch with ceilings as high as the sky. We walk in, take off our shoes, and the first think Hallie does is run into the living room, slide down in her socks and hit Lauren’s dental diploma that leaned against a wall. Thankfully it didn’t break, and the kids didn’t break anything else the rest of the time. They had prepared a bagel brunch for us which was really nice. It was great that we had Inbar there because she hung out with the girls while we were able to catch up. We had a really nice time with them. It makes me feel so old that our activity is now going to old friends and catching up. They also had a nice pool; it wasn’t heated so we didn’t swim but the girls put their feet in. I guess in Florida you never close your pool but you also don’t heat it, which makes sense.
They took us on a short walk to the clubhouse and we saw the gym and pool. There was also a splash pad area and the girls obviously wanted to go in but didn’t have bathing suits. I stripped down Madeleine, but Hallie’s dress got soaked. It didn’t matter though because they had a great time.
We all then went to Target to buy Hallie a new dress. This was quite a target. You know when you see influencers doing Target hauls and you think where could they have gotten those clothes because they definitely don’t’ exist in my Target? The answer is Florida.
Finally we left, Madeleine fell asleep in the car, and we made our way to Salt and Straw for ice cream. I got caramel sea salt with snickerdoodle. Tzvi got a flaver that had coffee and tres leches cake, and Inbar got Oat Milk and Cookies, which she thought was oatmeal cookies.
Then we drove back to the hotel just in time for Shabbat, except then I had to run right back out to go to CVS to buy Oreos for dessert and a deck of cards so we’d have something to do. I’m pretty sure last year I also bought a deck of cards at this same CVS. Our entire card drawer is filled with the cards we buy because we forget to bring cards on vacation.
For dinner, we had ordered food from So Heavenly and thankfully we had put my parents in charge of dinner. They have a fridge and microwave in their room so they dealt with everything. Shabbat started around 5:30 and we went to their room for dinner. I think this was the first time Sherry had experienced a Feit Hotel Shabbat Dinner where you cram into a hotel room and eat lukewarm kosher food. I will say that the food was very good. We had beef with onions, roast chicken, veggies, some appetizers, and a cous cous salad, except Inbar was getting very upset that they called it cous cous because it’s really ptitim, which isn’t cous cous. The girls were going crazy jumping on beds which made Sherry nervous.
Getting the girls to sleep took over an hour, but after that we sat out on the balcony watching a naked woman in a hotel room across from us pack her suitcase. As she packed she got more and more naked. It was very odd, because it seemed obvious that she was visible to the entire hotel. Tzvi thinks she just didn’t care. My mom doesn’t understand how someone could not care and diagnosed her as having a psychiatric disorder. Sherry thought that the man who was with her was forcing her to be naked in front of the window because it turned him on. We played cards on the balcony until 10:30 when we were finally dairy and sat with Inbar eating the leftover Zak the Baker pastries.
And that was Friday.
Winter Break 2023. Day 1. Southern Migration.
Today, like many Jews from the Tri-State area, we are flying south for winter… break.
We woke up around 7:00. We scheduled our Ubers for 8:00am and we were actually out the door by 8:07. I would say that is pretty successful. We met my parents at the Mosaic check in, which was pretty crowded, but checked in easily with all 9 suitcases (for 7 people). They didn’t weigh any of them either and my dad thinks that’s because he gave the porter a $20 before they started check-in and when the woman said it was time to weigh the bags the porter said “these are fine.”
By the time we got to the gate they were already up to boarding Group D, which made no sense because they said boarding started at 9:20 and it wasn’t even 9:17. Tzvi wasn’t happy as he wanted to be the first on the plane with the Mosaic passengers, and he actually had to wait in a line for 2 minutes. All was well though because we got to our seats (Row 2) and there was more than enough overhead compartment space for Tzvi’s small backpack.
Shockingly, the flight wasn’t too bad. We pushed back on time and even took off quickly. The flight was a little over 2.5 hours. The girls survived on iPads and lots of snacks, and I even managed to get through Oceans 8, which is about 1.5 hours. And to top it all off, not one bag of luggage was lost.
We filed into two Ubers and made our way to the Lowes Miami Beach Hotel. As we pulled up we saw the bright red and black sign that make our hearts warm and our tummies hungry: Aroma (which is right outside our hotel).
Check-in took a while - we had three rooms under our name, but only two connected. Tzvi’s mom arrived yesterday and was given one of the connecting rooms, which meant she had to switch rooms today. That was annoying. Then it took hours for housekeeping to come and actually change the sheets. Could have been worse though.
My parent‘s room wasn’t ready yet, so we all headed to Aroma for a very late lunch/snack and iced Aromas. Solid, except they wouldn’t make me a tuna sandwich, even though it was on their menu and they actually had tuna. Tzvi asked if he could just get bread and a side of tuna but they said they couldn’t do that. They said they had a tuna croissant sandwich, but we didn’t want that, so Tzvi tried to order the tuna croissant with no croissant and a side of toast. The woman was like, “that’s the same thing.” These weren’t Israelis, but it sure felt like home. We ended up ordering a tuna salad, which had tuna, hard-boiled egg, roasted eggplant, and a bunch of other things. We asked for the eggplant on the side, but somehow ended up with the eggs and tomatoes on the side (eggs, and tomatoes are plants?). Oh well. At least it came with bread and I was able to make my own tuna sandwich. All’s well that ends well.
We showered and changed for dinner, and then headed to the lobby to pick up our car from the valet. We had rented a Tesla Model Y from Turo (the same app we used in LA last August – it’s like Airbnb for cars) for about 36 hours, just enough to drive around Thursday and Friday. After getting the car, we began our very long drive to Fuego. I knew it would be long, but this time it took about an hour and 15 minutes. My parents were running late, shockingly, because they didn’t get their room until 4:40. They didn’t shower or change, so I’m not sure why they didn’t leave their room until 5:25. We had a 6:00 pm reservation, but hey, those are just suggestions right?
Dinner was delicious. Tzvi and I got cocktails, and then we all shared pastrami egg rolls, dirty nachos (nachos with pulled brisket, chili, salsa and guac) and a lamb flatbread. For the main we got the Argentinian styler Parrillada platter for 2, but it really fed the whole table. It had flanken rib, grilled steak, chicken and beef skewers, a huge lamb chop and sausage and came with guac and salsa and some sides. We also got sticky ribs, and a burger with beef bacon, which we cut up into a bunch of pieces and was actually really tasty.
As we ate, we saw parade after parade of sparkling birthday platters going by while loud music blasted and waiters clapped and danced around. Loyal readers will recall that when we visited last year we told them it was Hallie’s birthday, and then as the waiters said happy birthday to her she said, “It’s not my birthday.” This year we prepped her and made sure that didn’t happen again. She was pretty excited when they brought the dessert.
At the end of dinner they came around and took a photo of us. We waited ten minutes and then of course we bought the photo.
After dinner we walked next door to the Winn Dixie to do some shopping. It isn’t a Florida vacation unless you’ve gone to a supermarket. We picked up some water (because the hotel charges $6 a bottle), cheerios, snacks and a few other things. The drive home only took about 35 minutes, and we got to hear Hallie sing her siddur play again, which was fun for everyone.
Bedtime took a while, and these kids are exhausted. I also think Hallie has a cold and I just heard a cough, because why should everything go smoothly.
Good day.