The Retreat. Day 1. On the Train Again.
Hello everyone. I write to you from the middle of nowhere. Somewhere. In Baltimore. Outside Baltimore? I am on my staff retreat. Anyway, here’s how the day began.
We all woke up to go to the Stern’s bris at Beth Sholom. It was a nice Bris with Gotta Get a Bagel and really good hot babka. The baby’s name is Ashton Jude Law Stern. Alright fine, not Law, but Hershy is a lawyer so it actually fits. From there we went home and I got my stuff together. My parents came in the van to pick us up and we were off to the Parade, but not before picking up our Toddy’s order. Thank God we ordered in advance, the line was basically to the door. Anyway, we made the trip into the city, parked in the usual lot next to French Sole and Oren’s, and headed to 5th avenue. Tzvi kept complaining, which was no surprise. Something about the blockade, and why are we here, etc. As Rabbi Miller said this morning “Tzvi, I haven’t heard a word you said this morning. All I’ve heard is your tone, and it’s all complaining.”
then nap
The Parade was nice even though it was really cold. I was a little sad to not be working, but not that sad. Mid-Parade we took Hallie for a walk to get her to fall asleep. We stopped at Laduree because I figured I could buy Macarons and use their bathroom. Nope, no bathroom. But at least we got delicious Macarons and an overpriced box. Instead I had to go in those gross ones in Central Park. Not the worst, but not the best.
Our plan was to leave around 330, but by 3 we were so antsy, and HAFTR hadn’t even come by yet. They were so late this year. I know, at JCRC the party line is “there is no early, there is no late, there’s only celebrate,” but man, this was late. Finally they showed up, marched, and moved on, and we could leave. Dad and Tzvi got the car, mom went for shoes, and I got coffee. We met back at the car and headed down towards Penn Station.
As soon as HAFTR showed up, we were out.
We made a quick stop at Mr. Broadway where I picked up a steak Caesar salad to eat on the train and used the bathroom, which thankfully was better than Central Park, but unfortunately was also better than any bathroom I would be seeing for a while. We arrived at Penn Station, said our goodbyes, and I was off to Amtrak. The board kept saying my train was delayed, then on time, then delayed, then on time. I was smart this time, positioning myself in a good place to get on line to boarding. Last week going to DC I didn’t know what was flying (training?) and ended up boarding too late to get a window seat, so I wasn’t letting that happen again. The ride was fine. I finished watching season 2 of 13 Reasons Why. I ate my salad. I missed this at home:
We arrived in Baltimore around 8. I had to maneuver my massive suitcase in a bathroom and then had to pee with it outside the stall. Then I waited for my Uber, realized I had no chocolate on me for the week and went to buy a dove bar in the station. The cashier was a little odd, but who isn’t. On the app it said my Uber driver was known for his ‘good conversation.’ Well that’s what you want to see before getting in a cab. He was good though. I video chatted with Hallie. She said Shema twice and was very cute.
When we got to the destination we couldn’t really figure out where to go so we were driving on these one lane roads in the middle of fields. Finally we saw a sign that said “Pearlstone Retreat” and we followed the signs to the main house. Poor driver. When we pulled up I saw two colleagues so I knew I was in the right place. I went into the main house and found that there was no one to check me in. Instead, my keys were in a little basket, with the room assignments posted on a paper above it. For a moment I thought back to the Amsterdam Waldorf where they gave us a choice of four different scents to be sprayed nightly during turndown.
I saw that I’m rooming with the program coordinator for the department. I think she’s younger than I am, religious, and very nice. I lugged my luggage to the room and when I walked in I was greeted by stale humid air. I didn’t recall that being one of the scent options at check in.
I was also greeted by a goodie bag with some snacks and a Hershey’s kiss. That was nice.
My roommate, Eliana, had been here, but was gone for now. The first thing I did was check out the air situation. The thermostat says to use the machine by the window, but nothing would turn on. For a while I was unpacking with the windows and door open. I asked Eliana but she didn’t know. Finally I walked to the main building and found the one staff member on duty. He is Russian and his name is Gee. Gee looked on the computer. He explained that all of the air units are controlled by the computer. Apparently the entire air for my building was turned off because we aren’t officially starting programming until tomorrow morning. He turned it on and walked me back to my room to make sure it was working. Thank Gee it was working. Gee’s on until midnight and I took his cell phone number in case of emergency.
With air blowing free I finished unpacking. The room is basically a room that you would stay in as a teenager for a school overnight. It does NOT bring back good memories. In fact, it brings back pretty bad memories. People actually get MARRIED here. Does it qualify as a destination wedding if it’s not really a destination? It just feels like there are bugs. There aren’t, at least I haven’t seen in this room, but oy.
After I was unpacked I decided to check out the gym. That is where I saw a big bug. I think it was dead, but who knows. Then I came back, showered, and here I am. Eliana texted me saying she might stay by a friend in Baltimore tonight and come in tomorrow morning, so that’s nice for me. I’m in bed now. There are two flat pillows and a thin blanket.
I’ll be here until Thursday. Wish me luck.